You could drink or—

You Could Drink, Or…

Social Worker: Do you drink?

Man: Yes.

Social Worker: How much a day?

Man: Three six packs.

Social Worker: How much is a six pack?

Man: about $10.00.

Social Worker: And how long have you been drinking that much?

Man: Fifteen years.

Social Worker: So one six pack costs you $10.00, and you have three
six-packs a day, which puts your spending each month at about $900. In
one year, it would be $10,800. Correct?

Man: Yeah, that math works out. Sure.

Social Worker: If in one year you spend $10,800, not accounting for
inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at around $162,000,
correct?

Man: Yep.

Social Worker: Do you know that if you hadn’t drank all that beer,
that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account
and, after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you
could have now bought a brand new Ferrari?

long pause

Man: Do you drink?

Social Worker: No.

Man: Then why the hell are you driving a Chevy?

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The Snow Plows Must get Through

The Plows Must Get Through!

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over
breakfast. They hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10
inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side
of the street so the snowplows can get through.” Norman’s wife goes out
and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast and again, the radio
announcer says, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You
must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the
snowplows can get through.” Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car
again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must
park—” and right then the power goes out.

Norman’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I
need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, Norman says, “Sweetie, why don’t you just go
ahead and leave it in the garage just this once?”

If you like, your can get multiple chuckles weekly on your Kindle.

The Pilot and the Navigator

The Pilot and the Navigator

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.
The navigator eyed him suspiciously as he placed it on top of the
instrument panel.

After an uncomfortable pause, the pilot asks him, “Do you know what I use this for?”

“No, sir. What’s it for?” the navigator asked, even though he was pretty sure what was up.

“I use this on navigators who get me lost!” the pilot said.

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The pilot smirked, and turned back to his flying.

A few minutes later, the navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and
place it on his chart table, in full view of the pilot, but he didn’t
say anything.

The pilot finally had to ask: “What’s that for?”

“To be honest, sir,” the navigator replied, “I’ll know we’re lost long before you will.”

If you would like to receive a chuckle in your Kindle, you can follow my posts.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Why the Military Services Can’t work Together

Why the Services Can’t Work Together

From a military buddy (active duty Air Force).

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

You can now regularly  receive an enlightening joke on your Kindle.

Prozac Nation

Prozac Nation

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article said:

The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.

So I looked around the house to see all the things I had started and
hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning…

I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, a bottle of
Bailey’s Irish Cream, the dregs of the Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the
Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake, last night’s leftover filet Mignon, and two boxes of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin’ good I feel. Those “feel good” articles really work!

I post regularly on Kindle, if you like you can follow me there.

Snow White

Snow White

Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and
their
surroundings. She took the film to be
developed.

After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.
The clerk said the photos were not back from the
processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and
started to cry.

The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry.
Someday your prints will come.”

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Sell Art Online

I think it’s raining

I Think It’s
Raining

A Russian couple was walking down the street
in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining” he
said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me” she
replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a
minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not
fight about it”, the man said, “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it’s officially raining or snowing.”

As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph,
is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course!” he replied, and walked
on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like
snow!”

The man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear!”

Follow me on Kindle and laugh along.

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The Truth is

The Truth
Is….

Stupidity got us into this mess – why can’t
it get us out?
*
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred
grand.
*
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both
be
changed regularly and for the same reason.
*
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn’t get worse
every year.
*
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting
path.
*
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
*
If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
*
I don’t get even, I get odder.
*
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to
it.
*
I plan on living forever. So far, so
good.
*
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
*
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it.
*
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
*
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
*
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to
ask you the questions.
*
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at
the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
*
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes
alone.
*
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to
show.
*
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because
you stopped laughing.

laugh along on your Kindle.

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A couple of groaners

A Couple of
Groaners

A stevedore was in charge of offloading the
wheat from the ships
at the harbor. Unfortunately the wheat was very moist and did not get
sucked up by vacuum too easily.

He approached the foreman for some advice and was told:
“If at first you don’t suck seed, try a drier
grain.”

*

Two chefs in Boston who were competing for the title of “Finest Fish
Fryer.” Their talents were about equal, their dishes equally
excellent.

However, at the last moment one of the chefs glazed his entry and
won
the title. “Alas!” lamented the other, “There but for the glaze of cod go 

I!”

Get your groaners on Kindle.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

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Why

Why….?

Why is the third hand on the watch called
the second hand?
*
**If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does
waiting
in one take so long?
*
**How does skating on thin ice get you into hot
water?
*
**When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put
your
two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
*
**If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow
that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners
depressed?
*
**Should crematoriums give discounts for burn
victims?
*
**If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide and seek, does
he
automatically lose because he can’t find himself?
*
**Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the
battery
is
dead?
*
**Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
*
**Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you.
Tell
him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
*
**If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

If you are so inclined, laugh along on your Kindle.

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