Artie the Hitman

Photography Prints


Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck
in an unhappy marriage,
a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and
arranging to have her killed
.


A “friend of a friend” put him in touch with a nefarious underworld
figure, who went by the name of “Artie.” Artie explained to the husband
that
his going price for snuffing out a spouse was
$5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s
insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front. The man opened
up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local
Safeway grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce
department, and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved
hands.

As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath, and slumped
to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses
behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as
well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden
cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately
called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could
leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed
the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the
hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline
declared,

“ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY.”

The back roads of Arizona

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

The Ducks Made it


A man traveling down a country road was forced
to stop before a giant puddle
covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed
a
farmer leaning on a fence. “Think it’s safe to cross?” the man
asked.

“I reckon so,” replied the
farmer.

 

The car was immediately swallowed by the
puddle as the man drove in. In
fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his
car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the
farmer, “I thought you said I could safely drive through this
puddle!”

“Well, shoot!” said the farmer, scratching
his head. “It only come up
chest-high on my ducks!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

The Twins

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amahl.
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.


Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mom.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes
she also had a picture of Amahl.


Her husband responds, “But they’re twins –
if you’ve see Juan, you’ve seen Amahl.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: <a href=”http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

“>www.commonsensejourneys.com.

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Sell Art Online

Is That You?


There was an old Italian man who had moved
to the US in his youth. He
worked hard his whole life at a fruit stand, frugally saving every
penny he could, investing money in stocks. When the time came to
retire, he had made enough to have his dream house built.

He hired an architect and eagerly started planning out his mansion.
After working out most of the rest, the architect asked if there was
anything special the Italian man wanted to include.

“Yes,” he said, “I-a allus-a want one of-a those-a hollow estatues
at-a the bottom of-a the stairs!”

“No problem!” said the architect, “I’ll pick a really beautiful
one!”

Comes the day for the grand opening of the house, and the Italian
man’s first look at it. He goes inside and excitedly runs around the
house, looking at everything and exclaiming “Yes, yes! That’s-a just
how I want it!”. He gets to the foot of the stairs and sees a stunning
porcelain Venus De Milo on a pedestal.

He turns to the architect and says “‘ey! What’s-a
that?”

The architect, somewhat baffled, says, “That’s the hollow statue you
asked for.”

“No, no, no!” the Italian man replies, shouting in the architect’s
face and waving his hands, “I no-a ask for that, I wanna hollow
estatue!”

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t understand. Could you explain to me what
you want?” the architect asked.

In the patient voice used on small children, the Italian man
carefully said, “I want-a that-a thing. It sit-a on the table. It-a
say ‘Ring ring’. You pick-a it up and say-a . . . “hallo, estat
you?”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Funny Airline Announcements


Occasionally, airline attendants make an
effort to make the
“in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a
bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that
have been heard or reported:

 

*
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane…”
*

“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you
must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will
escort you to the wing of the airplane.
*

“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught
smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
immediately.”
*

Pilot – “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free
to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane
till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on
the wings it affects the flight pattern.”
*

And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business
Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much
as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
*

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to
cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning
to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head
attendant announced on the intercom, “This aircraft is
equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the
cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their
seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop
at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the
aircraft.”
*

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa,
big fella. WHOA!”
*

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
hell everything has shifted.”
*

From a Southwest Airlines employee…. “Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public
unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you love
more.
*

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we
arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your
money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
*

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with
our compliments.”
*

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, “We’ve reached
our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat
belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come
back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the
flight.”
*

“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop
from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own
mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting
like children.”
*

“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses.”
*

“Last one off the plane must clean it.”
*

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry…Unfortunately none of them are on this
flight…!
*

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing
in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the
intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what
ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the
airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the
flight attendants’ fault…..it was the
asphalt!”
*

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
final approach the Captain was really having to fight it.
After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came
on the PA and announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our
airplane to the gate!”
*

Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect
landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
*

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
give them a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that
in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for
this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny,
mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the
pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land
or were we shot down?”
*

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please
remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have
brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick
your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
*

Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the
next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think
of us here at US Airways.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

A journey of spiritual discovery

A journey of spiritual discovery

At this period of time in the history of man, there is probably more individual searching being done into the theories behind the origin of the human race,what happens after death,the possibility of life on other planets, and what our relationship is to these life forms, if they do exist. There are millions of people who are questioning the existence of God, who he really is, and what is my relationship with him? Is he someone who mysteriously floats around on a cloud watching and judging us from above like some bigger than life Santa Claus, or is he, like many of the esoteric sciences claim, a part of our inner Self, whom we have constant contact with, someone whom we and everything in the universe are connected and are thus one? Each of us in our own way is experiencing what God is, and thus we are each a part of God, thus we are God! This book is a brief account of my search for my own truth

 

The Assembly Line Doctor

Keep your beer cold photo
Keep your beer cold photo by lifejourneysimages
View other Sail Photography at Zazzle.com

More and more doctors are running their practices
like an
assembly lines.

 One fella walked into a doctor’s office and
the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.”
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance
number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him
what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his
height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to
wait in the examining room.

A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.” So she gave him a blood test, a blood
pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all
his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”

The doctor said, “Where?”

He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want
them?”

 Arizona Ice Tea

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

 

masonic

Throughout man’s long history on earth,there has been one group of people who have carried the torch of liberty and freedom throughout the ages , from time immemorial until the present day. In these days their counsel is need more than ever.

 

Cutting the Firewood

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

“Hello?” “Hello, is this KGB?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

 

“I’m calling to report my neighbor
Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the
State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood.”

“This will be noted.”

Next day, the KGB goons come over to
Rabinovitz’s house. They search the
shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no
diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz’s house.

“Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?”

“Yes.”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yes, they did.”

“Okay, now it’s your turn to call. I
need my vegetable patch plowed.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com
.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

The King of the Jungle

One morning the lion is feeling especially
ferocious. He
saunters over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roars, “Who’s
the king of this jungle?”

The monkey scampers down from the tree, bows to the lion and
stammered, “Wh..wh…why you are Mr. Lion.”

A few minutes later, the lion comes across a warthog. He
stops in front of the animal and asks, “Who’s the baddest dude
in this jungle?”

The warthog hid his face in the dirt and whispered, “You’re the
baddest, King Lion.”

This continues all morning long with animal after animal bowing
and scraping to the lion. Finally the lion comes across an 80
year old bull elephant. He bellows at the elephant, “Who’s the
king of this jungle? Who owns this place?”

With that the elephant wrapped his trunk around the lion’s
belly. He raised the lion 12 feet in the air and slammed his
head against the ground. After that he slammed the lion into a
tree on the right and then into another tree on the left. Finally,
the elephant swung his trunk and threw the lion 35 feet away
where the lion landed in a thorn bush.

As the elephant lumbered down the trail the lion shook his paw
and shouted, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you
don’t have to get an attitude!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

Clearing the Forest

 


A large, well established, lumber camp advertised
that
they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at
the camp with his axe and knocked on the head
lumberjack’s door. The head lumberjack took one look
at the little man and told him to leave.

“Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,”
begged the skinny man.

“Okay, see that giant redwood over there? Take your
axe and go cut it down.”

The skinny man headed for the tree, and five minutes
later he returned to tell the head lumberjack that he
had successfully cut the tree down.

The head lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like
that?” he asked the little man.

“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the little
man.

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the
lumberjack.

The little man grinned and replied, “Oh sure, that’s
what they call it now!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

Biased Press

Two boys are playing football in the Golden
Gate Park when one
is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy
rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s
collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.



A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes
over to interview the boy. “‘Forty Niners’ fan saves friend
from vicious animal”, he starts writing in his
notebook.

“But I’m not a Niners fan,” the boy
replies.

“‘Oakland Raiders’ fan rescues friend from horrific attack,”
says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.

“I’m not a Raiders fan either,” the boy
says.

“Then what are you?” the reporter askes.

“I’m a Cowboys fan!!!” the boy says
proudly.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
“Redneck kills family pet!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

 

Photography Prints