Joe’s Fancy Funeral

Joe was known as a stingy bastard, so when he died it quickly went around town that Joe’s will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

“Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said.

“You told me about the $30,000 in the will,” replied her friend Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “But how much did this really cost?”

“All of it,” said Helen. “Thirty thousand!”

“No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”

“The funeral was $6,500,” Helen answered. “The wake, food and drinks were another $1,000. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

Jody computed quickly. “Wait; $22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!”

Helen held up her hand: “Three and a half carats.”

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

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Our Last Wish

Summing Up Their Lives

Three friends die in a car crash and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.

“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you before they lower you into your grave?” asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children.”

They all turn to the third guy, who looks like he’s deeply pondering.

“I would like to hear,” he says, “Wait! He’s moving!“

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

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Tide gets the stains out

Tide Detergent: It Gets The Stains Out!

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go — I have to write to the Hefty Bag people.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health, improve your wealth

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

 

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The Mud Bath

A man goes into his doctors office for an annual
physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and
says, “I’m sorry Bill, but we have discovered you
have a condition which only allows you another 6
weeks to live.”

“But Doctor,” Bill replied, “I feel great. I
haven’t felt better in years. This just can’t be
true. Isn’t there anything I can do?”

After a moment the doctor said, “Well, you might
start going down the street to that new health spa
and take a mud bath every day.”

Excitedly Bill asked, “And that will cure me?”

“No,” Replied the doctor, “but it will get you
used to the dirt.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

How to get into Heaven

 

How to Get to Heaven

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”

“NO!” the children answered in unison.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, the answer was a unanimous “NO!”

“If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, they all answered “NO!”

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”

This time, there was no shout in unison. Finally, the silence was broken when a little boy shouted out, “You’ve got to be dead!“

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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The Engineer and the Guilloutine

The French
Revolution

During the French revolution, hundreds of
people were guillotined. One day,
three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor, and the
third was an engineer.

The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the
attending
priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade
was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an
opportunity, quickly said, “Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is
to be spared; we cannot kill him.” The executioner agreed, and the lawyer
was set free.

The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and
placed his
head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again
the priest intervened: “Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill
this man.” The executioner agreed and the doctor was set
free.

At last it was the engineer’s turn. He was blessed by the priest,
and knelt,
but before he placed his head on the guillotine he looked up. Suddenly, he
leapt to his feet and cried, “Oh, I see the problem!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Have a Nice Day

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal
after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten
by a killer whale.

*
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions.
After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly
with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
*
In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world
flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu, he came down eight
hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his
girlfriend had left him, and his phone and electricity had been
cut off.
*
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current,
she
whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm
in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to
his walkman.
*
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs,
all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and
stampeded, trampling the two protestors to death.
*
And the capper…..
*
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it.
Forgetting it was a bomb, he opened it and was blown to
bits.
*
SOOOOO,…..have a nice day!

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

High Stakes Poker

Six retired Floridians play high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse.

A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his wife?”

They cut the cards, and Goldberg “wins” the duty. They tell him to be
discreet, be gentle, not to make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name,” he says. “Leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the Meiers’ apartment and knocks on the door. Mrs. Meiers answers and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares, “Your husband just lost $5,000 playing poker, and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” says the wife.

“Will do,” he says.

Have humor delivered to your Kindle.

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A Death in the Family

A Death in the
Family

Sarah went to work one morning upset. She
was in tears
and very upset.

After several minutes, her boss called her in his office
and asked, “What is wrong, is there something I can do?”

She replied “My mother died.”

The boss then said, “Why don’t you go home, you need some
time off.”

Sarah replied,” No, I would like to stay, it will help
me keep my mind occupied.”

The boss then replied, “OK, but if you should change your
mind, just let me know.”

The day went on and all was going fairly smooth, when all
of a sudden, the boss heard Sarah sobbing loudly.
He went out to her desk and asked, “What has happened
now?”

She replied, “My twin sister just called, and her mother
died too!”

Have a steady stream of wit and wisdom delivered to your Kindle.

Irritating St. Peter

St. Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the Pearly Gates: “For Service Ring Bell.”

Away he goes; he barely gets started when BING! the bell rings. He rushes back to the gates, but no one’s there.

St. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING! the bell rings
again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one’s there. A little
annoyed, St. Peter goes back to work.

Suddenly, BING! the bell rings again. St. Peter goes back; again, no one’s there, and he’s now really, really irritated.

“Okay, that’s it,” he says. “I’m going to hide and watch to see
what’s going on.” So St. Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old
man walks up and rings the bell.

St. Peter jumps out and yells, “Aha! Are you the guy who keeps ringing the bell?”

“Yes, that’s me,” the little old man says.

“Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?” St. Peter asks.

“They keep resuscitating me.”

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