You Can’t Take it with You

 

You Can’t Take it With You

When Bill Clinton was on his deathbed, he told his most trusted
aide that, having managed to thwart all the rest of the rules in life,
he had figured out how to “take it with him” after death.

He instructed his aide to withdraw $5 million cash from his
secret account and put it in two suitcases in the attic above his bed so
his soul could grab them as it departed.

The next day, after Bill died, Hillary went into the attic with the aide to see if the cash-filled suitcases were still there.

No surprise, they were there, still stuffed with cash.

“I could have told him,” Hillary said to the aide, “that you should have put them in the basement.”

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 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

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Science Explained

The Farmer Posters
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Real exam answers
given by fifth- and sixth-grade students.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you
came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms.

But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180
degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees
between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth
because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Photography Prints

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation
gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

Coleman 54 quart steel cooler

Follow me on Kindle for your chuckles.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

Stupid Resume’s

Lavender Flower Photo Print
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Stupid Resume Tricks

Things people actually put on their resumés (or cover letters). I weep for all mankind.

    • I am very detail-oreinted.
    • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
    •  
    • Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
    • Strengths: Impersonal skills.
    • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
    • Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
    • If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
    • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
    • Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed
      down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another
      opportunity.
    • Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of date.
    • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
    • Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
    • I am a rabid typist.
    • I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
    • Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
    • I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
    • Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
    • Special skills: Thyping.
    • My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
    • Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not
      including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan,
      health insurance, personal or sick days.

Photography Prints

  • Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
  • Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
  • Previous rank: Senior instigator.
  • I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
  • Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.

and…

  • Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.

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1,000 Places to see Before You Die

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

The Shoe Box

Photography Prints

 

The Shoe Box

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other — except that the little old woman had a
shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time
that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found
two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000!

He asked her about the contents.

“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I
ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears: Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving!

He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the
doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?

“Oh,” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

The Hiram  Key : Freemasonry and Pharaohs.

 


PatentHEALTH

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

masonic

Throughout man’s long history on earth,there has been one group of people who have carried the torch of liberty and freedom throughout the ages , from time immemorial until the present day. In these days their counsel is need more than ever.

School Exam Questions

Persistance Stretched Canvas Print
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School Exam Answers
A:

Q: What is a vibration?
A: There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.

Q: What is the chemical formula for water?
A: h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o (h to o). [This was marked wrong.]

Q: To change centimeters to meters you _____?
A: take out centi.

Q: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom.

Q: Tapeworms are hermaphrodites. What is meant by the term “hermaphrodite”?
A: Lady Gaga.

Q: What do we call the science of classifying living things?
A: Racism.

Q: A star in the sky suddenly brightens to many times its original
brightness and then fades gradually over the next several years.
Hypothesize what happened in terms of a star’s life cycle.
A: It just had a hot flash and is probably going through menopause.

Q: Give a reason why people would want to live near power lines.
A: You get your electricity faster.

Spiritual Conflict

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Wolfcamera.com

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Sell Art Online

Puns

Think Big Stretched Canvas Prints
Think Big Stretched Canvas Prints by lifejourneysimages
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Punographics

Puns: the lowest form of humor.

– – –

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren’t funny — period.

Were going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn’t control her pupils?

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

Velcro: what a rip off!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.

and…

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

For more humor, follow me on Kindle.


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Photography Prints

The Sailor and the Pirate

 

The Sailor and the Pirate

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting
their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg leg, hook, and eye
patch, the sailor asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg leg?”

The pirate replies “We was caught in a monster storm off the cape
and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out, a
school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off.”

“Blimey!” said the sailor. “What about the hook?”

“Ahhhh…” mused the pirate. “We were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols
blastin’ and swords swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand
got chopped off.”

“Zounds!” remarked the sailor. “And how came ye by the eye patch?”

“A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye,” answered the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.

“Well…” said the pirate, “It was the first day with me hook….”

Coleman Road Trip Grill

Follow me on Kindle

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors

 

Photography Prints

 

What Your Computer is Telling You

What Your Computer Is Trying to Tell
You

It says: “Press Any Key”
It means: “Press any key you like, but I’m not
going to do anything.”


It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical
support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E”
It means: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10
minutes, only to be told that it’s a hardware
problem.”

It says: “Installing program to C:\….”
It means: “… And I’ll also be writing a few files
into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you’ll
NEVER find them.”

It says: “Please insert disk 11”
It means: “Because I know very well there are only
10 disks.”

It says: “Not enough memory
It means: “I don’t CARE if you’ve got 64MB of RAM, I
want to use the bit below 640K.”

It says: “Cannot read from drive D:….”
It means: “… However, if you put the CD in right
side up…”

It says: “Please Wait….”
It means: “… Indefinitely.”

It says: “Directory does not exist….”
It means: “…. any more. Whoops.”

It says: “The application caused an error. Choose
Ignore or Close.”
It means: “….Makes no difference to me, you’re
still not getting your work back.”

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Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Tech Support

Things You Don’t Want to Hear From a Tech
Support

“Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick
handy?”
*
“That’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.”

*
“So — what are you wearing?”
*
“Duuuuuude! Bummer!”
*
“Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilithium crystals,
Cap’n.”
*
“Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60
Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”
*
“We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter
knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”
*
“In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg
Effect.”
*
“Hold on a second… Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”
*
“Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.”
*
“Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.”

More jokes on Kindle.

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Virus Warning

Virus Warning

If you receive an email entitled “Badtimes,”
delete it immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it
will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on
your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any
CD’s you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator’s coolness settings so
all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only your
mother-in-law’s number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer.(For God’s sake men are you
listening?!?!)

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are
expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind
your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active
verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
misspellings which grossly change the interpretations
of key sentences.

If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows95/98
environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your
hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses
and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**

In case you are a blonde, this IS a joke.

Check my jokes out on Kindle


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