The Nun’s Kiss

The Nun’s Kiss

Yeah: you know you’re going to tell this one at a party this weekend!


A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he
replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”


She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as
old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to
see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”


She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.”


The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!


“OK,” the nun says “Pull into the next alley.”


He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a
hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.


“My dear child,” said the nun. “Why are you crying?”


“Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”


“That’s OK,” the nun says. “My name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”

Funny, follow me on Kindle.


Body Jewelry by Body Candy



Advertisements

Jewish Wisdom

Photography Prints

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, “Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?”


The wise old Rabbi answers: “Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.”

 

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

My father says, “Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.”

I said, “Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I’m a schmuck?”

Jewish Marriage advice “Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you.

Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?”

Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. “Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man’s mistakes?”

“No Morris, a man should not profit from another’s man mistakes” answered the rabbi.

“Are you sure Rabbi?”

“Of course, I’m sure, in fact I’m positive” exclaimed the Rabbi.

“Ok, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?”

The Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have wine.”

The Frenchman says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have cognac.”

The Russian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.”

The German says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have beer.”

The Mexican says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have tequila.”

The Jew says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”

A Jewish congregation in suburban Boston honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.

She greets the Rabbi with, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you. The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, “Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.”

Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.

The Rabbi turns to her and asks, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with YOU!”

Funny, Follow me on Kindle.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Young Living photo


AmericanGreetings.com

 

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

 

Religion Note Book
Religion Note Book by lifejourneysimages
Browse more Sky Notebooks at Zazzle

Support Your Wife


Support your Wife

 It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping they did when they were younger.

 When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.

When I retired four years ago, it became necessary for Gayle to get a full-time job both for extra income and for health insurance benefits that we need. She was a trained lab tech when we met thirty some years ago and was fortunate to land a job at the local medical center. It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.

 She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren’t cleaning themselves.

 I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.
Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Gayle used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired. Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.

Sometimes she says she just can’t make another trip down those steps. I don’t make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it.
Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday’s lodge meeting or to Wednesday’s or Saturday’s poker club or to Tuesday’s or Thursday’s bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or
dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing,
this allows her to clean the fish at a more leisurely pace.

 Gayle is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.
In spite of her complaining, I continue
to try to offer
encouragement.

Art Prints

 I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any,
if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think
she needs more rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments like these because I realize
it’s just age talking.

 In fact, I try to not embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep. I could go on and on, but I think you know where I’m coming from.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Gayle on a daily basis. I’m not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult.
Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the effort. I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man.

 However guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.

 Note: This article was found next to the author’s body. The cause of death is still under investigation.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated


alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

 

Pay Back

Pay Back…..

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he
wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to
move out and then he would buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on
her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.

 On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
candlelit
Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.

 When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

 The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.

They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place
out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.

Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The
moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home…

…including the curtain rods.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.


Luggage Pros

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

swimming

A short story depicting adventures in the out back of Australia

Photography Prints

King Arthur

 

King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned
by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved
by Arthur’s youth and ideals So the monarch offered him freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would
be
put to death…. The question: What do women really
want?

 

 
Such a question would perplex even the
most knowledgeable man, and, to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than
death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s
end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to
poll everybody: the princess, the
prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory
answer.

Many people advised him to consult the
old witch. Only she would know
the answer. The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur
had no alternative but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he’d have to accept
her price first: The old witch wanted to marry him.

Young Arthur was horrified: She was hunchbackedand hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewage, and made obscene noises. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature.

 
Finally, having no real choice, he agreed.
Their wedding was proclaimed,
and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus: What a woman really wants
is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch
had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so
it
was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total
freedom.

What a wedding Arthur and the witch had!
Arthur was torn between relief
and anguish. He was proper as always, gentle, and courteous. The old
witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very
uncomfortable.

The hour approached. Arthur, steeling himself
for a horrific experience,
entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful
woman
he’d ever seen lay before him! The astounded Arthur asked what

had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her
when she’d appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible,
deformed self half the time, and the other half she would be her beautiful
maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the
day, and which during the
night? What a cruel question! Arthur pondered his predicament. During
the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the
privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a
hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many
intimate moments?

What Arthur chose follows below……but
don’t read until you’ve made
your own choice…….
Noble Arthur replied that he would let
her choose for herself. Upon
hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time,
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her
own life.

What is the moral of this
story?

The moral is:

If your woman doesn’t get her own way,
things are going to get ugly!

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Honest Drunk

 

Honest Drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected
a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a
head of romaine lettuce, a 2lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package
of bacon.

 As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.

 

He said, “You must be
single.”

The woman, a bit startled but intrigued
by the derelict’s intuition,
looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly
unusual about her selections she said, “Well, you know what,
you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
that?”

The drunk replied, “‘Cause you’re
ugly.”

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

GreatSkin.com

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

A journey of spiritual discovery

A journey of spiritual discovery

 

Sell Art Online

A man’s Wish

 

A Man’s Wish

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed
home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Lord,
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at
home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in
our bodies.” God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose,

cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school
clothes,
fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home
and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the
bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to
the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery
shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat’s
litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried
to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the
kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an
argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the
kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and
watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and
washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans
for supper.

After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry,
bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and,
though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was
expected to make love-which he managed to get through without
complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said, “Lord,
I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being
able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you
have learned
your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they
were.

You’ll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last
night.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

Bake Me  A Wish

 

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Gender Identity

Photography Prints

 

Gender Identity

If you’re like most people, common everyday items look inert
to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have
a gender. For example…

Ziploc Bags — Male, because they hold everything in but you
can see right through them.

Copier — Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
warm up. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.

Tire — Male, because it goes bald and often it’s over
inflated.

Hot Air Balloon –– Male, because to get it to go anywhere you
have to light a fire under it. . . and, of course, there’s the
hot air part.

Sponges — Female, because they’re soft and squeezable and retain
water.

Web Page — Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

Subway — Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.

Hourglass — Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.

Hammer — Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last
5,000
years, but it’s handy to have around.

Remote Control — Female . . . Ha! You thought it’d be male. But
consider — it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and
while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.

The eating well diet.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

Flower.com

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

A modern day vision quest

A modern day vision quest

Join me in a journey of self discovery and enlightenment. Journey to the outback of Australia and learn the ways of the ancient aborigines. 
Travel to the outback of Australia, discover the ways and teachings of the Australian aborigine.A journey of self discovery and of a way of life and culture that is slowly being forgotten and lost.

 

Most Dangerous Food

Art Prints

 

Most Dangerous Food
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience
in Chicago:

 

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your
stomach lining. Chinese food is
loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking
water.

But there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all — and we all have,
or will at some point, eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating
it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood
up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Knock, Knock Jokes!

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

1800Flowers.com

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Enlightenment

At this period of time in the history of man, there is probably more individual searching being done into the theories behind the origin of the human race,what happens after death,the possibility of life on other planets, and what our relationship is to these life forms, if they do exist. There are millions of people who are questioning the existence of God, who he really is, and what is my relationship with him? Is he someone who mysteriously floats around on a cloud watching and judging us from above like some bigger than life Santa Claus, or is he, like many of the esoteric sciences claim, a part of our inner Self, whom we have constant contact with, someone whom we and everything in the universe are connected and are thus one? Each of us in our own way is experiencing what God is, and thus we are each a part of God, thus we are God! This book is a brief account of my search for my own truth

For Sale

 

Attention!

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.

45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors

Photography Prints