The 12 Days of Christmas After Reengineering
Global challenges require the North Pole to continue to take more
competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy
measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary.
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to
be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic plant,
providing savings in maintenance costs.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during the working hours could not
be condoned under the company “zero tolerance” sexual harassment
policy. Both positions are, therefore, eliminated.
The three French hens will remain intact and we may actually
expand the number of hens used. A recent time-motion-profitability study
proved that using illegal migratory fowl is extremely profitable as it
eliminates the company’s need to provide employee benefits because the
hens do not meet federal residency requirements.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine
who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked,
and whether the calling function can be replaced by e-mail.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of
Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have
negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into
other precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology
stocks appear to be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day is an example of their decline in productivity. Three
geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by the
Personnel Department will assure management that from now on every
goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better
times. Their function is primarily decorative. Replacement mechanical
swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some
new strokes to better enhance their outplacement.
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no
upward mobility.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will
be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the
steps. Let the reengineering team hasten to add that company policy
prohibits age discrimination, and any layoffs must be justified using a
business case to preclude any employee lawsuits.
Ten Lords-a-Leaping is overkill. The high costs of Lords plus the
expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee
to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While
leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed because of the high average
weight of retired congressmen, significant savings should result due to
the number of congressmen left unemployed after the recent election.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of
the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a
cutback on new music and the elimination of uniforms will produce
significant savings to the bottom line.
Though incomplete, studies by our consultants indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can
drop-ship in one day using a “just in time” system, service levels will
be improved and we can expect a substantial reduction in the use of
part-time personnel.
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Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
Your comments appreciated
In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?
Hoosier Hysteria 