The Punk

Wanna Bet?

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said.

“Like what?” the punk replied.

“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back,” the experienced man said.

All the other older men looked on with a mixture of “uh oh” and admiration on their faces, not sure what was up his sleeve. But that didn’t faze the braggart.

“You’re on, old man,” the strapping young man replied. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, punk. Get in.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

George Koritzer

The Wisdom of our Ancestors.


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The Top Ten Rules of Life

 

The Top 10 Rules of Life

These may sound funny, but they’re quite true (especially #10).

1. Never give yourself a haircut when drinking.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t
move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use duct tape.

3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

4. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately — it’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

5. The best advice that your mother ever gave you was, “Go! You might meet somebody!”

Multi-angle smartphone stand

6. If they say you are too good for him/her, believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? One month? One week? One day?”

8. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of
a bad or former relationship may mean the other person was right about
you.

10. You can’t demand something as a “right” unless you are willing to
fight to death to defend everyone else’s right to the same thing.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

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Stupid Resume’s

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Stupid Resume Tricks

Things people actually put on their resumés (or cover letters). I weep for all mankind.

    • I am very detail-oreinted.
    • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
    •  
    • Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
    • Strengths: Impersonal skills.
    • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
    • Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
    • If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
    • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
    • Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed
      down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another
      opportunity.
    • Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of date.
    • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
    • Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
    • I am a rabid typist.
    • I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
    • Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
    • I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
    • Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
    • Special skills: Thyping.
    • My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
    • Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not
      including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan,
      health insurance, personal or sick days.

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  • Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
  • Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
  • Previous rank: Senior instigator.
  • I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
  • Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.

and…

  • Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.

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1,000 Places to see Before You Die

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Those Darn Office Machines

Those Darn Office
Machines

A young executive was leaving the office
at 6 PM when he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,”
said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my
secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”


“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine
on,
 inserted the paper,
and pressed the start button.


“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

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Things I’d like to say at work part 2

Things You’d Like To Say At Work
#2

Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.



Do I look like a people person?

This isn’t an office.  It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Errors have been made.  Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic and disorder – my work is done here.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a
paycheck.

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Resumes

The following quotations were taken from
resumes
from all over the country. With all the work and care that goes into
writing these documents, it’s funny, if unfortunate, when errors slip
through to the final draft. Alas, such mistakes make exactly the
wrong impression on exactly the wrong
people.

“I am very
detail-oreinted.”

“I have a bachelorette degree in
computers.”

“Graduated in the top 66% of my class.”

“Served as assistant sore manager.”

“Married, eight children. Prefer frequent
travel.”

“Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can
make great lattes.”

“I can play well with others.”

“I have exhaustive experience in
manufacturing.”

“Special skills: I’ve got a Ph.D. in human
feelings.”

“My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I
had.”

“I eat computers for lunch.”

“I have used lots of software
appilcations.”

“Objection: To utilize my skills in
sales.”

“Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for
years.”

“Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice
president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”

“Previous experience: Self-employed — a
fiasco.”

“I am a pit bull when it comes to
analysis.”

“I am the king of accounts payable
reconciliation.”

“Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led normadic
lifestyle.”

“Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning
to the word ‘paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate
privately.”

“Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlaw in my
state.”

“My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes
offend.”

“I love dancing and throwing parties.”

“I am quick at typing, about 25 words per
minute.”

“I am a rabid typist.”

“Skills: Operated Pitney Bones machine.”

“Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining
composer.”

“Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that
arouse.”

“Education: College, August 1880 – May
1984.”

“Experience with: LBM-compatible
computers.”

“Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care
ward.”

“Typing Speed: 756 wpm.”

“Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal
income taxes and tax laws.”

“Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are
usually inseparable.”

“Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24
hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a
year.”

“My experience in horticulture is
well-rooted.”

“Work History: Performed brain wave tests,
1879-1981.”

“Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my
head!”

“I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy,
and
expertise.”

“Personal: Married 20 years; own a home, along with a friendly
mortgage company.”

“My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels,
and my ability to complete projects on time is
unspeakable.”

“Exposure to German for two years, but many words are
inappropriate for business.”

“Frequent Lecturer: Largest Audience: 1,351. Standing
Ovations: 5. Number of Audience Questions: 30.”

“Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high
school.”

“My fortune cookie said, ‘Your next interview will result
in a job’ — and I like your company in
particular.”

“Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory;
effective management skills; and very good at
math.”

“Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground
up using my father-in-law.”

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Prospective Employee Test

Prospective Employee
Test

Take the prospective employees you are trying
to place and put them in a
room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours,
without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what
they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart,
put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to
Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to
Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for
them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer
Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they’re destined for the Help
Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs,
put
them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests,
Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management
material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical
Documents team.

If they don’t even look up when you enter the room, assign them to
Security.

If they try to tell you it’s not as bad as it looks, send them to
Marketing.

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Luggage Pros

Things you’d like to say at Work

Things You’d Like To Say At
Work

I don’t know what your problem is, but I
bet it’s hard to pronounce.


How about never?  Is never good for you?


I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I’ll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.

I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don’t work here, I’m a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you are saying.

I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an
artist.

Get your chuckles on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Job Application

Job Application

This is an actual job application that a
17 year old boy submitted to
McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest
and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or
Vice President. But
seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m
worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It
sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday!

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they’re better suited
to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would
I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT
YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would
be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who
thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be
doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

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How Job Applicants Speak, and What They Really Mean

How Job Applicants Speak, and What They
Really Mean

 “I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
SITUATIONS,”
Really means: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take
lots of coffee breaks.

“I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON
MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS,”
Really means: I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.

“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER
OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION,”
Really means: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE,”
Really means: I pilfer office supplies.

“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
INCLUDES,”
Really means: I hope you don’t ask me about all the
McJobs I’ve had.

“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK,”
Really means: I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’M PERSONABLE,”
Really means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.

“I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE,”
Really means: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is
better.

“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL,”
Really means: I carry a Franklin Planner.

“MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH
YOUR REQUIREMENTS,”
Really means: You’re probably looking for someone more
experienced.

“I AM ADAPTABLE,”
Really means: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED,”
Really means: The minute I find a better job. I’m outta
there.

“I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING,”
Really means: I’m a college dropout.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
CONSIDERATION,”
Really means: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

“I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM
YOU SOON,”
Really means: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for
your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

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Real Writing Jobs

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