The New Jockey

Art Prints

The New Jockey

A jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is stupid but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers ‘Aleeee ooop’ in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens — the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me — it’s this bloody horse. What is he — deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?? He’s not deaf, you idiot, he’s blind!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income.

 

Ocean Waves Gift Boxes
Ocean Waves Gift Boxes by lifejourneysimages
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A Day at the Races

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A Day At The Races

One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse — a very long shot — won the race. 

Before the following race, the Priest blessed yet another horse. Mitch made a beeline for the window, and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet a large amount of money on it, and it won!

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears, and hooves of one of the horses.

Mitch bet every cent he had, including his life savings and the deed to his house. Mitch then watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded.

He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, “What happened, Father? All day long you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now, thanks to you, I’ve lost all my savings!”

The priest nodded wisely and said, “That’s the problem with Protestants — you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

Biased Press

Two boys are playing football in the Golden
Gate Park when one
is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy
rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s
collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.



A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes
over to interview the boy. “‘Forty Niners’ fan saves friend
from vicious animal”, he starts writing in his
notebook.

“But I’m not a Niners fan,” the boy
replies.

“‘Oakland Raiders’ fan rescues friend from horrific attack,”
says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.

“I’m not a Raiders fan either,” the boy
says.

“Then what are you?” the reporter askes.

“I’m a Cowboys fan!!!” the boy says
proudly.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
“Redneck kills family pet!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

 

Photography Prints

Who Wants to be a Millionaire

Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire

Sarah appeared on Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire…

Regis: “Sarah, you’ve done very well so
far – $500,000 and one
lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if
you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to
$32,000 — are you ready?”

Sarah: “Sure I’ll have a
go.”

Regis: “Which of the following birds does
not build it’s own nest?
Is it…

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

“Remember, Sarah, it’s worth 1 million
dollars.”

Sarah: “It’s a
cuckoo.”

Regis: “You’re sure? You can walk with
the $500,000 or play on for
the million.”

Sarah: “I want to play, I’ll go with C
– Cuckoo.”

Regis: “Is that your final
answer?”

Sarah: “It is.”

Regis: “Are you
confident?”

Sarah: “Absolutely!”

Regis: “Sarah…..you had $500,000 and
you said C -Cuckoo.
Well….you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here
is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler.
Audience please put your hands together for Sarah.”

That night Sarah calls her friend Carol
and they go to a local
bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne.
Carol turns to Sarah and asks, “Tell me, how did you know that it
was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?”

“It was so simple,” Sarah replied, “Everybody
knows that
cuckoos live in clocks.”

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Sports Quotes #2


1981 – Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when
asked what terms
Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for
in his upcoming contract negotiations: “He wants Texas
back.”


*

1966 – Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal
number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical
conditioning: “One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do
you go about getting a nose in condition for football?”
*


1981 – Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after
the
team’s co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring
running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: “I’m
going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next
time.”
*


1991 -Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans
that
a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: “But the real
tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”
*


1986 – Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss
what he thought of the refs: “I’m not allowed to comment on lousy
officiating.”
*


1991 – Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as
opposed to Sunday afternoons: “It’s basically the same, just
darker.”
*

1996 – Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not
to vote: “I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get
shot.”
*

1991 – Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at
Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son’s reaction after
he took the job with the Boilermakers: “He said: ‘Gosh, Dad, that
mean’s we’re not going to any more bowl games.”
*


1986 – LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14
children:
“They can’t fire me because my family buys too many
tickets.”
*


1991 – Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I
told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said,
“Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
*


1991 – Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”
*


1987 – Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me
like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Follow me on Kindle, for your weekly chuckles.

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Sports Quotes

Photography Prints

 

Sports Quotes

“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes.”
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
*
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like
Norman Einstein.”
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996

 

*
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.”
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
*
“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
*

“I play football. I’m not trying to be a
professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your
brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.”
Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman
because of academic requirements:
*
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?
He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”
*
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps
a
color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how
to spell my name, I can still find my #%@# clothes.”
*
Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we
went to.”
*
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: “I’ve won at every
level, except college and pro.”
*

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in
the morning regardless of what time it is.”
*
1992- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s
7-27 record: “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general
manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.”
*

1982 – Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining
to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My
sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or
an aunt.”

Follow me on Kindle for your chuckles.

 

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health,increase your wealth

Improve your health,increase your wealth

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Famous Sports Quotes

Famous Sports Quotes

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I want all  the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.”

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season :”I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the ‘Skins say “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said, “To win,I’d run over Joe’s mom too.”

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: “Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye.”

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: “I play football. I’m not trying to be a professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.”

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my @#%#%@ clothes.”

Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”

Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: “I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record:”We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.” (1992)

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican -born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: “He wants Texas back.” (1981)

Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning:”One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?” (1966)

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.” (1991)

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: “I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.”(1986)

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: “It’s basically the same, just darker.” (1991)

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: “I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get shot.” (1996)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him,’Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'” (1991)

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.” (1987)


Football America

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Watching Football

After spending  all day watching football on TV, a man falls asleep and spent the night sleeping on the couch.
His wife woke him in the morning,
“It’s Twenty to Seven,” She states.
He responds,”In whose favor?”

Travel the world from your arm chair

Treasures from the Islands

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