The world according to Frank and Earnest

The World According to Frank and

Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or
heads will roll!
Well, if Jerry Springer isn’t educational TV, why does it make
me feel so much smarter?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
I tried to get in touch with my inner child but he isn’t allowed to
talk to strangers.
I have to take my paycheck to the bank … it’s too little to go by
We’re lucky to have C-SPAN. Not many countries can watch
their government inaction.
Mountaintop Glue-Ru: “Stick to it! Stick with it! Stick it out!
Stick to your guns! Stick up for yourself! …”
I must be following my diet too closely … I keep gaining on
Welcome to Megacomputer’s 24-hour helpline. If you have been
waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line

Whenever I’m in a mood to watch the world go by, I just keep
to the posted speed limit.

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The Farmer and the fly

The Farmer and the

A farmer was milking a cow and a fly was
flying around.
He shushed it away with his hand and it flew in the cow’s

He kept milking and the fly came out in the milk bucket.
The farmer thought “In one ear and out the

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Why did the Chicken cross the road

Why Did the Chicken Cross the

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a
decent, hardworking American.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the
black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order
to trample him and keep him down.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

L.A. Police Department: Give us
five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don’t know
any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross
the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!
The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed,
I’ve not been told!

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where
all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask
why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of
chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein: This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken.

Ronald Reagan: What chicken?

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no
chicken has gone before.

Freud: The fact that you are at
all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity

Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 98,
which will not only cross roads,but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook and Explorer
is an inextricable part of the operating system.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New

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