The Smiths were shown into the dentist’s office, where
Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn’t want to spend
a lot of money.
“No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered, “No gas or needles
or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it
over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said
the dentist admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”
Mr. Smith turned to his wife…
“Show him your tooth, honey!”
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
A certain bookmaker who was making a long trip by car when toward nightfall he happened upon an inn which had a most unusual name: The Even Steven.
Since it was located in the middle of a desolate stretch of country, and he didn’t know how much farther the next place would be, he decided to stop there for the night. He registered, listing his occupation as a bookmaker, and decided to satisfy his curiosity about the name at the same time.
“It’s very simple, really,” the proprietor explained. “You see, my name is Steven Even. So I just decided to turn it around and call this The Even Steven. I thought if might get a few folks puzzled enough to stop and ask questions, and sometimes it does.”
“That’s a pretty smart way to use the luck of a name,” said the bookie, appreciatively. “I bet it brings you a lot of business.”
“It hasn’t brought me so much luck,” he said. “The folks who stop here don’t stay long. There’s not much gaiety around here, as you could see. In fact, there’s not another soul lives closer than thirty miles away, whichever way you go. Makes it pretty lonely for me, a widower. And worse still for my daughters — two of the loveliest girls you ever set eyes on, should have their pick of boyfriends. But, they are getting so frustrated they’re about to do anything for a man.”
The bookie made sympathetic noises, and listened to more in the same vein until hunger obliged him to change the subject to that of food. An excellent home-cooked dinner was served to him by a gorgeous blonde who introduced herself as Blanche Even, and when he was finished she still kept pressing him to ask for anything else he wanted.
Finally, she said, “Would you like me to sit and talk to you for a while?”
“Thank you,” he said politely, “but I’ve had a long day and I feel like closing the book.”
He went to his room and had just started to undress when there was a knock at the door and an absolutely breathtaking brunette came in. “I’m Carmen Even,” she said. “I just wanted to see if you’d got everything you want.”
“I think so, thank you,” he said pleasantly. “I do a lot of traveling, so I pack very systematically.”
When she had gone, he settled down with a sigh of relief and was about to put out the light at last when the door burst open once more and the proprietor himself stomped in, glowing with indignation. “What’s the matter with you,” he roared. “I’ve got to listen all night to my daughters moaning an’ wailing, the most luscious gals in this county, because they all try to show you hospitality an’ you won’t give one of ’em a tumble. Ain’t us Evens good enough for you?”
“I’m sorry,” said the transient. “But I told you when I registered that I’m a professional bookmaker: I only lay Odds.”
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
So many people think the first line of this is the joke. It’s not. It’s …the first line!
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The vendor has heard this one before, and without a word he simply makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
“Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk.
The vendor replies, “Change must come from within.”
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Panties not best thing on earth! They next to best thing on earth.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who wars with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Virginity like bubble: one prick, gone forever.
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?
A man gets off the elevator at the bar on top of the Empire State Building. He is bowled over by the splendor and the view. He orders a drink, and then remarks about how there’s a large open window with no guardrails or anything — someone could fall a long way!
“There’s no problem with that, it’s completely safe!” says a man dressed in a sharp suit, glasses and a fedora. “Even if you fell out, the building creates a strong updraft current that will bring you right back to safety!”
“Huh?” the man says, incredulous.
“Sure, let me show you!” the man at the bar says, stepping to the window and allowing himself to fall right out.
“Oh my gosh!” says the newcomer. He bends over to look out the window to see what happened just as the man comes back up in the wind, right into the window, and lands right on his feet! Even his fedora is still firmly in place.
“That’s amazing!” he says. “Does it happen like that all the time?”
“Yep, I’ve done it many times,” says the square-jawed man. He offers to hold the newcomer’s drink while he tries it.
“Here goes nothing,” the newbie says. He leans out the window and falls out of the building — and all the way to the street where he goes Splat! The man in the suit says “tsk tsk tsk” and drinks the man’s cocktail.
“You know,” the bartender finally says to the regular, “you’re really a mean bastard when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
One day in contract law class, Professor Jetson asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”
The student replied, “I’d say ‘Hey: want an orange?'”
The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!” he instructed.”Oh,” the student said.
“In that case, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you, all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat the same, or give the same away with or without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.”
“You’re making good progress,” the professor said.
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
Judge Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat, Jr. (2 October 1922-23 February 1996) was a judge, law professor, and state representative in Mississippi for one term, elected when he was just 24. He is best known for his 1952 speech on the floor of the Mississippi state legislature concerning whiskey. Reportedly, the speech took Sweat two and a half months to write. And here it is, in its entirety: My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey:If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.
I have to say, I agree completely!
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
A cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
I’m not sure about the “actual” bit, since it has been attributed to the U.S. Air Force, United Airlines, Qantas Airlines, and more. But it’s a great old classic about clear communications
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses:
P = the problem logged by the pilot. S = the solution and action taken by engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
A life long journey of spiritual enlightenment. A journey we all must take.
Since time immemorial , humankind has embarked on a spiritual journey to seek enlightenment. All travel this path, although not at the same time and more especially not at the same pace. Each must seek his own path and destination.
Hoosier Hysteria 