You Can’t take it with you

 

You Can’t Take it With You II

A lawyer is on his deathbed. He calls his three associates in and
says, “They say you can’t take it with you, but I plan to. In each of
these cases is a million dollars in cash. Just after they lower my
casket I want you to each throw it in with me.”


The men are all silent.

“I know I can trust you…” the dying man says.

They all three give their solemn promise.

The next week, leaving the funeral, one says to the other two, “I
have to get this off my chest. I lost a lot in the market last year and I
really needed the money. I took out half of the million dollars.”

The second lawyer says, “Oh, God, me too. After my divorce I’ve been struggling to catch up. I only threw in $250,000.”


The third attorney looks at the other two with a shocked expression.
“I can’t believe you two! I enclosed a check for the entire amount!”

 

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Three Religious Truths

 

Three Religious Truths

I was reminded of this joke when a friend in Oklahoma, where I
was visiting last week, told me about a liquor store there which, in the
old days, had a “Baptist Window”. That, he explained, was a
pass-through from the store into the back alley, where Baptists would
come to get their liquor — and not be seen by neighbors.

 

 

Three Religious Truths

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

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and…

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at strip clubs.

 Founding Fathers

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in both hard copy and ebook format.

 

The Top Ten Rules of Life

 

The Top 10 Rules of Life

These may sound funny, but they’re quite true (especially #10).

1. Never give yourself a haircut when drinking.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t
move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use duct tape.

3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

4. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately — it’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

5. The best advice that your mother ever gave you was, “Go! You might meet somebody!”

Multi-angle smartphone stand

6. If they say you are too good for him/her, believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? One month? One week? One day?”

8. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of
a bad or former relationship may mean the other person was right about
you.

10. You can’t demand something as a “right” unless you are willing to
fight to death to defend everyone else’s right to the same thing.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

available in hard copy and Ebook format.

Politically Correct Descriptions of Men

 

Politically Correct Descriptions of Men

    • He does not have a beer gut …He has developed a liquid grain storage facility.
    •  
    • He is not a bad dancer …He is overly caucasian.
    • He does not get lost all the time …He investigates alternative destinations. 

 The Mayan Calendar and the transformation of consciousness

      • He is not balding …He is in follicle regression.
      • He is not a cradle robber …He prefers generationally differential relationships.
      • He does not get falling-down drunk …He becomes accidentally horizontal.
      • He does not act like a total ass …He develops a case of rectal-cranial inversion.
      • He is not a male chauvinist pig …He has swine empathy.
      • He is not afraid of commitment …He is monogamously challenged.

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    • He is not hornyHe is sexually focused.
    • It’s not his crack you see when he bends over …It is male cleavage.

 

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Beauty comes from Natural Minerals

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in hard copy and Ebook format

The Old Pilot

During a commercial airline flight a retired pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began breast feeding the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he
gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related
items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
“Gosh, that’s a good looking baby — and he sure was hungry!”

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the changing
pressure in the baby’s ears.


“And all those years,” the old captain said, suddenly looking terribly sad, “I just chewed gum.”

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The Cannibals

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During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, “You’re all part of our
team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria
for something to eat. So please don’t trouble any of the other
employees.”

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you.

However, the janitor has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”

Lavender Flower Photo Print
Lavender Flower Photo Print by lifejourneysimages
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The cannibals all shake their heads no.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, “Which of you idiots ate the janitor?”

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals
replies, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Team Leaders,
Supervisors and Project Managers and no one noticed a thing, and you had to go and eat the one guy who works around here!”

Canon DC50 Camcorder

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in both Hard Copy and Ebook format.

The College Co-ed

Enjoy LIfe Tiles
Enjoy LIfe Tiles by lifejourneysimages
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A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest.

“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he
never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she
replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you
get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never
takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a
boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

The Realization Process

Many, many chuckles, follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

 


10% Off Carrot Ink Products Today!

 

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The Joys of being a Senior Citizen

This is good…really good…The best!

 
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel;
           I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys.  They were not in my pockets. 
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. 
             Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
Her theory is that the car will be stolen.  As I burst through the door,
I came to a terrifying conclusion.
Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.
            I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, 
confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered;
            > I always call her “honey” in times like these. <
“I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
 
There was a period of silence.
  I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.
                        “Idiot”, she barked, “I dropped you off!” 
Now it was my time to be silent.
 Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”   
She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not
                                                stolen your car.”
 

Yep, it’s the golden years

The Mother Tongue and How it got That Way

.Get a Chuckle on a regular basis, follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

You Can’t Take it With You

 

You Can’t Take it With You II

A lawyer is on his deathbed. He calls his three associates in and
says, “They say you can’t take it with you, but I plan to. In each of
these cases is a million dollars in cash. Just after they lower my
casket I want you to each throw it in with me.”

The men are all silent.

“I know I can trust you…” the dying man says.

They all three give their solemn promise.

The next week, leaving the funeral, one says to the other two, “I
have to get this off my chest. I lost a lot in the market last year and I
really needed the money. I took out half of the million dollars.”

The second lawyer says, “Oh, God, me too. After my divorce I’ve been struggling to catch up. I only threw in $250,000.”


The third attorney looks at the other two with a shocked expression.
“I can’t believe you two! I enclosed a check for the entire amount!”

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Learn more about Native Remedies

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

 

Art Prints

Hold Me

 

Hold Me

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and
women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars &
Venus thing.

And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “What?!

So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet
dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her Emotional Needs
As A Woman.

I’m thinking, “What was her first clue?” I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

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The very next day we went shopping at a big department store. I
walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to
which I say, “OK.” And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a
set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you …she was so excited! She
must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t
think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis
bracelet because she doesn’t even play tennis. I think I threw her for a
loop when I told her that it was OK too.

Universal Pet Carrier

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have
seen her face when she said, “I’m ready to go, let’s go to the cash
register.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No, honey.
I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her
face — it went completely blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just
want you to hold this stuff for a while.” Just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me, I added, “You must not be in tune
with My Financial Needs As A Man.”


I figure that I might be having sex again sometime next year. But it was worth it.
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reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions