Rules of Romance

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Rules of
Romance

In the world of romance, one single rule
applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she
expects…Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the
point system.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed…………………………………………..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………………..-1
You leave the toilet seat up………………………………..-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty………………0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…….-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
wings..+5
But return with beer………………………………………-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night …………………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing……………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something………..+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………………..+10
It’s her
father……………………………………….-10

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party…..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave
to chat with a college drinking buddy….-2
Named Tiffany……………….-4
Tiffany is a dancer………….-6
Tiffany has implants…………-8

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner…………………………….0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar……………………………..-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night………………………..-3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite
team………………-10

A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal …………………………………..-5
And the pal is happily married ……………………….-4
Or frighteningly single ……………………………..-7
And he drives a Mustang……………………………..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)
…………-15

A Night Out
You take her to a movie…………………………………..+2
You take her to a movie she likes………………………….+4
You take her to a movie you hate………………………….+6
You take her to a movie you like…………………………..-2
It’s called DeathCop 3……………………………………-3
Which features cyborgs having sex………………………….-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
………-15

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly………………………….-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it….+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts …………………………………-30
You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one
too”………-800

The Big Question
She asks, “Do I look fat?” ……………………………….-5
You hesitate in responding……………………………….-10
You reply,
“Where?”………………………………………-35

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression…………………………..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……….+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen
asleep……………-20

The book of Awakening


Art Prints

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew

Rules Guys Wish Girls
Knew

If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.
*

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it
down.
*

Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
*

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
he
can find the perfect gift.
*

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer
you
don’t want to hear.
*

Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with
it.
*

Don’t ask about his thoughts unless you want to discuss navel lint,
shotguns, or monster trucks.
*

Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different. It’s just like every
other cat.
*

A dog is better than ANY cat. Period.
*

Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the
tides.
Let it be.
*

Shopping is not a sport.
*

Anything you wear is fine. Really.
*

You have enough clothes.
*

You have too many shoes.
*

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect him to submit
to it.
*

Your ex-boyfriend is, was, and always will be an
idiot.
*

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
*

No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark important
days on
a calender.
*

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes. What makes you think he
would be any good at choosing which pair, out of your thirty, would look
good with your dress?
*

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
*

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
*

Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
*

Foreign movies are best left to foreigners.
*

Check your oil.
*

Don’t give him 50 rules when 25 will do.
*

It is neither in your best interest nor his to take the quiz
together.
*

Anything said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
*

If you won’t dress like Victoria’s Secret women, don’t expect us to
act
like soap opera men.
*

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways
makes you sad and/or angry, we meant the other one.
*

You can either ask him to do something or tell him how you want it
done
-not both.
*

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
*

Consider golf a mini-vacation from each other. He needs it just as
bad
as you do.
*

Telling him that the models in men’s magazines are airbrushed makes
you
look jealous and certainly is not going to deter him from reading
them.
*

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months.

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Photography Prints

Politically Correct

Politically
Correct

(How to talk about men and still be politically
correct.)


He does not have a beer gut; he
has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.
*
He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL
MINIMALIST.
*
He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL
DEVELOPMENT.
*
He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
*

He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

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A Man is a Person Who

A Man Is a Person
Who…

A man is a person who, if a woman says,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” – lets her.
*

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself, and he lets her – gets mad.
*

A man is a person who, if a woman says,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” – lets her and she gets mad – says,
“Now what are you mad about?”
*

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself, and he lets her – gets mad.,
and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” – says,
“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

Find your chuckles on Kindle.

Art Prints

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

His and Her ATM Machines

His and Hers ATM
Machines

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away

HERS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer

3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.

9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.

11. Hit “cancel”
12. Reenter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse
checks

18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop

28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup
37. Put car in
reverse

38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine

40. Drive 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

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The Gender Gap

Gender Gap

A little girl and a little boy were at day
care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, want to play
house?”

He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your
feelings.”

“Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea
what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the
husband.”

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Cats

Cats

1) Cats do what they
want.

2) They rarely listen to
you.

3) They’re totally
unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not
happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to
be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want
to play.

7) They expect you to cater to their every
whim.

8) They’re moody.

9) They leave hair
everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm
and a leg.

Conclusion: They’re tiny little
women in cheap fur coats.

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The Benefits of Being a Woman

The Benefits of Being a
Woman

We got off the Titanic
first.
*
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological
disorder excuses.
*
We can be groupies. Male groupies are
stalkers.
*
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
*
Taxis stop for us.
*
We don’t look like a frog in a blender when
dancing.
*
Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the
point.)
*
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on
life.
*
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the
Speedo.
*
If we forget to shave, no one has to
know.
*
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her
butt.
*
If we’re dumb, some people will find it
cute.
*
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
*
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that
we look like an idiot.
*
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
*
We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
*
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their
shoes.
*
We’ll never discover we’ve been duped by a
Wonderbra.

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Because I’m a Guy

Because I Am a Guy…

Because I’m a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.

If the thing has been misplaced, I’ll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. *

Because I’m a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer. *

Because I’m a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t an issue. *

Because I’m a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “Cumin” or “Tofu.” For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism. *

Because I’m a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. * Because I’m a guy, we are NEVER lost … and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger – how the heck could HE know where we’re going? *

Because I’m a guy, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t. *

Because I’m a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother’s day is okay, I don’t need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom too? *

Because I’m a guy, I am capable of announcing, “one more beer and I really have to go,” and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I’ll be home soon, and no, I don’t understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What’s the connection?

* Because I’m a guy, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t. *

Because I’m a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating. *

Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without, it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Everything is fine. CAN WE JUST GO NOW? *

Because I’m a guy and this is, after all, the 90’s, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.

Join me on Kindle for your chuckles.

  Photography Prints

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world! He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed. For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

Wisdom from a forgotten era.

The Carnival Performer

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The Carnival Performer

This isn’t a blond joke ,but it should be.

“What do you do?” the pretty young thing asked the fellow on the stool next to her at the local watering hole.

“I’m a carnival performer,” he said. “I do amazing mental tricks.”

“Really? Like what?” she asked.

“The most amazing one is, I can feel a woman’s breasts, and tell the exact day she was born.”

“No way!”

“Yes, really.”

“OK, try it on me,” she said.

He reached over, put his hands up her shirt, and started poking,
prodding, caressing, and gently pinching. He was clearly concentrating,
but didn’t say a word.

Well?” she finally demanded after about two minutes. “When was I born?!”

“I’ve got it exactly,” he said, with one final squeeze. “Yesterday.”

Vegetarian Slow Cooker Recipes.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.