The Eskimo

An Eskimo got so cold while paddling his kayak that he built a fire to warm himself up. Naturally, the kayak sank, and he had to swim to shore in the icy waters.

This only goes to show that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, to.been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.
Your comments appreciated

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Ireland declares War on France

Ireland Declares War on France

Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

“Hallo, Mr. Chirac!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringin’ to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Chirac replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Chirac paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Begoora!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.

“Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Chirac asks.

“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Chirac sighs, amused; “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.”

“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.

“Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last! spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day.

“Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Chirac. I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”

“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Chirac. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Enlightenment

Join the author in a lifetime spiritual journey

The Twins

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amahl.
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.


Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mom.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes
she also had a picture of Amahl.


Her husband responds, “But they’re twins –
if you’ve see Juan, you’ve seen Amahl.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: <a href=”http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

“>www.commonsensejourneys.com.

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

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Is That You?


There was an old Italian man who had moved
to the US in his youth. He
worked hard his whole life at a fruit stand, frugally saving every
penny he could, investing money in stocks. When the time came to
retire, he had made enough to have his dream house built.

He hired an architect and eagerly started planning out his mansion.
After working out most of the rest, the architect asked if there was
anything special the Italian man wanted to include.

“Yes,” he said, “I-a allus-a want one of-a those-a hollow estatues
at-a the bottom of-a the stairs!”

“No problem!” said the architect, “I’ll pick a really beautiful
one!”

Comes the day for the grand opening of the house, and the Italian
man’s first look at it. He goes inside and excitedly runs around the
house, looking at everything and exclaiming “Yes, yes! That’s-a just
how I want it!”. He gets to the foot of the stairs and sees a stunning
porcelain Venus De Milo on a pedestal.

He turns to the architect and says “‘ey! What’s-a
that?”

The architect, somewhat baffled, says, “That’s the hollow statue you
asked for.”

“No, no, no!” the Italian man replies, shouting in the architect’s
face and waving his hands, “I no-a ask for that, I wanna hollow
estatue!”

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t understand. Could you explain to me what
you want?” the architect asked.

In the patient voice used on small children, the Italian man
carefully said, “I want-a that-a thing. It sit-a on the table. It-a
say ‘Ring ring’. You pick-a it up and say-a . . . “hallo, estat
you?”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Drunk in Saudi Araba

Drunk in Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia,
sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police
rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being
caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers,
they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life
imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the
day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided
they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
“It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each
of you one wish before your whipping.

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then
said: “Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow
only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment
was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with
pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he
said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows
could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the
Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part
of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Englishman
replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you
give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave,” the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If
100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish,
what is it to be?” the Sheikh asked.

The Englishman smiled and said, “Tie the Frenchman to my back.”

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The Hills are Alive

The Hills of
Transylvania

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing
in
Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania.

They’re driving a rental car along a rather deserted
highway. It’s late, and raining very hard. Bob can
barely see 10 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts
to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves
and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes
his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the
passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious,
with her head bleeding.

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows
he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging
down the road. After a short while, he sees a light.
He heads towards the light, which is coming from an
old, large house. He approaches the door and
knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the
door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob
Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We’ve been in a terrible
accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I
please use your phone??”

“I’m sorry,” replies the hunchback, “but we don’t have a
phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get
him.”

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the
stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I
am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is
many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic
medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them
down to the laboratory.”

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs,
with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table
in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own
injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining
table.

After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried.
“Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a
transfusion.”

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.
Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills’ deaths upsets Igor’s master greatly. Wearily,
he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses
his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found
solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting
melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music
fills the lab, his eyes catch movement. He notices the
fingers on Betty Hill’s hand twitch.

Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise! He is
further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to
contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:

(Don’t page down unless you have a strong
stomach…)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

You sure you want to know?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

O.K. You asked for it……
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.

.
.

“Master, Master!… The Hills are alive with the sound of
music!”

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The Throne

The Throne

An African chief heard stories about kings
that sat on thrones. So he had
one built for him out of ivory. He had his men set it outside his hut’s
door every morning and there he sat to reign over his “kingdom.” He sent
out raiding parties to subdue other tribes and forced them to bring
expensive offerings to him.

Other chiefs thought it was the throne that gave him this power. So
one
chief made a raid and took off with the throne. Then HE was the one
everyone had to give expensive gifts to. Chief after chief captured the
throne and made like kings.

Finally, the original chief got the throne back. This time, he hid
it. He
had his men put heavy-duty rafters in his grass-thatched hut and built an
attic. They hoisted the throne up into the attic. He remained king because
raiding parties could not find the throne.

One day the chief was sitting in his hut. Suddenly there was a terrible
cracking sound above his head and the throne broke through the rafters
and
fell smack on top of the chief, killing him
instantly.

The moral of this story:
People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

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The Italian Confession

 

 

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy ,
went to
the local church for confession.  When the priest slid open the
panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Father, during World War II, a
beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and
asked me to hide her from the
Nazis.  So I hid her in my
attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you
have no
need to confess that.”

“There is more to tell, Father.
She started to repay me with sexual
favours.  This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays.”

The priest said, “That
was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you
placed the two of you in
great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to
the weakness of the flesh.  However, if
you are truly sorry for your
actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father.  That’s a
great load off my mind.  I do have one more
question.”

“And what
is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is
over?”

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Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

The Italian Elbow

T H E   I T A L I A N   E L B O W
 
An
Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
 
“You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301.

 
There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.
 
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3.
 
When you get out, I’mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.”
 
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
 
“What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?”

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