Grounds for Divorce

 

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me, but I
have no idea what he’s talking about.”

Finding the Purpose of your life.

I joke a lot on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Flowers are the nourishment of the soul wall clocks by lifejourneysimages
Find other Clocks at Zazzle

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

 

Scottish Blood

Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St. Vincent Hospital for heart surgery, but
prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need
arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found
locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located
who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the
Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for
giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & U.S. dollars.



A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to
donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman
a thank-you card & a jar of candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his
kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I
thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds
& money, but you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this
the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins"._

Laugh Daily on Kindle. 

Trick Job Interview Question

 

This is supposedly a real question asked in job interviews to find creative thinkers. Before looking at the answer, decide how you would respond.

You are driving down the road in your two-seater sports car on a wild,
stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop bench and you see

threepeople stranded in the storm waiting for the bus. All three are in
immediate danger because of the ferocious weather. They include:

• An old lady who, in your expert opinion, will die without quick medical attention.

• An old friend who once saved your life.

• The perfect woman you have always dreamed about, and has “that look” on her face like you’re her perfect match too.

Here’s the question:

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

You could pick up the old lady, because she is near death, and thus save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved

your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. Or, you
could just pretend you didn’t see any of them, and drive on past
…which will convince the job interviewer that you’re a psychopath, and
you’ll never get a job again.

Think before you continue reading. Which will you choose?

– – –

The Smartest Man in the World was asked this question in a job
interview, and he quickly came up with his answer: “I would give the car
keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box”!

However, he didn’t get the job! Because the correct
answer is to run the old lady over to put her out of her misery since
Medicare won’t pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the
perfect woman on the hood of the car, then drive off with your old
friend for a few beers.

After all, the job interviewer is a man.

I post regularly on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

 

 

Snow in Michigan

Snow in Northern Michigan

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern
Michigan. He said that the snow is nearly waist high and is still
falling.

The temperature is at fifteen degrees and still dropping… and the wind is increasing to near gale force.

Even the plows are having a hard time getting around.

The schools are closed, and alerts are on all the TV and radio stations urging people to stay off the streets.

He said his wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window for hours on end, just staring.

He says he’s concerned that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Becoming a Monk

The Farmer Posters by lifejourneysimages
More Farmer Posters

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.. He goes to the
monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you
think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry
way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
“We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of
grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find
these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and
knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the
Earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you
had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, “May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone… The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of
ruby.. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind
that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,….
….silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob,
and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange
sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight ….

.… But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

The Book of Awakening.

Want more humor?

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

 

 

25 Ways to Annoy a Yankee

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.

3. When giving directions, finish with “and it’s right down yonder on the left.” Confuses the mess out of ’em.

4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they’re saying.

5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell ’em “Delta’s ready when you are!”

6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.

7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy ’em!)

8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus.

9. Offer to send ’em a bottle of fresh air.

10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob. . .you get the idea)

11.
Frequently bring up “The War of Northern Aggression” in conversation.
If anyone ever says the words “Civil War”, always interject that “there
was nothing civil about it.”

12. Address all males as “son” and females as “little lady”.

13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It’s “Pah-kahn” not “Pee-can”. (Amen)

14. Put Tabasco on everything.

15.
For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York
City. In other words, if they say “Yo, I’m from upstate New Yoik!”,say
“Well, I’ll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway
show!”

16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.

17. Name all of your children “Bubba”. (or just call em that!)

18. Use the word “reckon” in a sentence and watch their reaction.

19. “Mash” buttons. “Cut” off lights. “Carry” the kids to school.

20. Never simply “do” something. Be “fixin to do” something.

21. Tell them you don’t have an accent, they do.

22. Be sure to include “yes/no ma’am/sir” in all conversations…Offends the heck out of ’em.

23.
Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. “Now go down
Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to
be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn
right there…” “You said left.” “Did I? Well, turn left there and
follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that
fish used to be on the other side of town..”

24. Ask them if it’s still snowing up North. Then tell ’em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.

25. Call ’em a yankee. Works every time.

Check me out on Kindle for your chuckle.

Heard During Colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made
by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:

• I usually don’t do this on the first date.
  
• “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”
• “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
  
• “Can you hear me now?”
  




• “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
  
• “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
  
• “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
  
• “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about….”
  
• “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
  
• “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”
  
• “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
  
• “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
  

  And the best one of them all…

• “Could you write a note for my wife saying that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?”
  

Get a daily chuckle, follow me on Kindle.

Things you’d like to say at Work

I don’t know what your problem is, but I
bet it’s hard to pronounce.

How about never?  Is never good for you?

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I’ll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.

I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don’t work here, I’m a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you are saying.

I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an
artist.

Get your chuckles on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Joe

Joe

Joe, the CEO’s most trusted assistant, died
in his
sleep one night. The CEO had depended on Joe for
advice on every subject, from sending memos to
wardrobe decisions.

In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.
So, it
was understandable that the CEO didn’t take kindly
to the droves of ambitious job seekers who wanted
Joe’s job.

“They don’t even have the decency to wait
until the
man is buried,” the CEO muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his
way to the
CEO’s side. “Sir,” the man said, “is there a chance
that I could take Joe’s place?”

“Certainly,” the CEO replied. “But you’d
better hurry.
I think the undertaker is almost finished.”

For a chuckle, follow me on Kindle.

Job Application

Job Application

This is an actual job application that a
17 year old boy submitted to
McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest
and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or
Vice President. But
seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m
worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It
sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday!

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they’re better suited
to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would
I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT
YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would
be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who
thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be
doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.