Signs of the Times

In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive
carefully, we’ll wait.”
*
On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove your
shorts.”

*
Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place in town to take a
leak.”
*
In a nonsmoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action.”
*
On a maternity room door, “Push, Push, Push.”
*
On a front door, “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except
the dog.”
*
At an optometrist’s office, “If you don’t see what you’re looking
for, you’ve come to the right place.”
*
On a taxidermist’s window, “We really know our
stuff.”
*
On a butcher’s window, “Let me meat your needs.”
*
On a fence, “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is
expensive.”
*
At a car dealership, “The best way to get back on your feet — miss
a car payment.”
*
Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you
coming.”
*
In a dry cleaner’s emporium, “Drop your pants
here.”
*
On a desk in a reception room, “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and
the 2nd one just left.”
*
In a veterinarian’s waiting room, “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!”
*
At the electric company, “We would be delighted if you send in your
bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
*
In a Beauty Shop, “Dye now!”
*
On the side of a garbage truck, “We’ve got what it takes to take
what you’ve got.” (Burglars please copy.)
*
In a restaurant window, “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in
and get fed up.”
*
Inside a bowling alley, “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
drop.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,

please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

My Spell Checker

Anyone Else have this problem?

Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

 

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
Eye am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

The Reason for Cinco De Mayo

Too Funny

There are many stories related to the sinking
of the “Titanic.”
Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent
movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912
Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The
“Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port
of call for the great ship after New York City.

The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were
disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a
national day of mourning which they still observe today.

It is known, of course,
as…

[ This is pretty bad ]

[ I don’t make these up…I’m just the messenger
]

[ Are you sure you’re ready?
]

Sinko de Mayo

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Just Trying to Help

Nice Guy

“If there are any idiots in the room, will
they please stand up,” said
the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose
to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?”
inquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see
you standing up there all by yourself.”


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow

 

him on your Kindle.

Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

These are some of my favorites

A few clowns short of a
circus.
*
A few fries short of a happy meal.
*
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.

*
All foam, no beer.
*
The butter has slipped off his pancake.
*
The cheese slid off his cracker.
*
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
*
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they
appear.
*
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the
heel.
*
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way
down.
*
As smart as bait.
*
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash.
*
Her sewing machine’s out of thread.
*
One fruit loop shy of a full bowl.
*
Her antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
*
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
*
Receiver is off the hook.
*
Not wired to code.
*
Skylight leaks a little.
*
Her slinky’s kinked.
*
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
*
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them
together.
*
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is on.
*
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t
coming.
*
Is so dense, light bends around her.
*
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
*
Standing close to her, you can hear the ocean.
*
Some folks drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just
gargled


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Redneck IQ Test

Redneck IQ Test

From a buddy who grew up in West Virginia. He sent it with the
comment, “I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in
the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam!”

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) ’65 Ford Fairlane
( ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) ’64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The
density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.
The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.
How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his
grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and still have
enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will
be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn’t ya?
It’s okay if’n ya didn’t do all that well. Just goes to show
ya…There’s a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don’t
prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the “Redneck IQ Test”, here’s some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece: Next time
you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an
order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with em.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Do You Have Any Grapes


A duck walked into a pharmacy He asked the
pharmacist “Do you have
any
grapes?”

“No, but the grocery store two blocks down sells grapes.” he
replied.

The next day, the same duck walked into the same pharmacy and asked
“Do
you have any grapes?”

“No, two blocks down on the right.” replied the pharmacist somewhat
annoyed.

The third day, the same duck walked back into the same pharmacy and
asked
the same question.

This time the pharmacist said “We don’t sell grapes here. You have
asked
for grapes now for three days in a row. I have told you we don’t sell them
here, this is a pharmacy not a grocery store. If you come back in here
tomorrow asking for grapes again, I am going to nail your little webbed
feet to the floor, NOW GET OUT OF HERE!”

The next day the same duck walks back into the same pharmacy, this
time
with quite a bit of trepidation. He looked around and asked the pharmacist
“Do you have any nails?”

“No” replied the pharmacist.

“Well then… Do you have any grapes?”


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow

 

him on your Kindle.

 

A Man’s Best Friend


A man runs into the vet’s office carrying
his dog, screaming for help.
The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog
down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and
after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is
dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands
a
second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat
down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head
to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and
meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks
that your dog is dead too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet
brings in
a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and
finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says,
“I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks
how
much he owes.

The vet answers, “$650.

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the
man….

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my
initial
diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab
tests.”


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him

 

on your Kindle.

 

Blonde Ingenuity

 

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the
bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.

*
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
*

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was
hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
*

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
*

What did the blonde get on an IQ test?
Drool.
*

One day, the blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where
they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them
in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals
free.
*

Why does the blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don’t drink!
*

How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
The cow sat down!


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

 swimming

A short story depicting adventures in the out back of Australia

Sell Art Online

The Blonde’s Red Ears


With both ears very red, the blonde went to her
doctor.

The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she
answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead
of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and
stuck it to my ear.”

“Oh dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But what happened
to your other ear?”

“The idiot called back!”


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.