Slogans for Women’s T-Shirts

Slogans for Women’s
T-shirts

I’m out of estrogen – But I have a gun!!

*
Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?
*
I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
*
Warning! Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
*
And your point is…
*
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.
*
I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.
*
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
*
Of course I don’t look busy…I did it right the first time.
*
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
*
I’m multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
*
Do NOT start with me You will NOT win.
*
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
*
All stressed out and no one to choke.
*
I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.
*
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

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Politically Correct


Politically
Correct


(How to talk about men and still be politically
correct.)


He does not have a beer gut; he
has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.


*
He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL
MINIMALIST.
*
He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL
DEVELOPMENT.
*
He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
*

He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

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The Mermaid


The Mermaid
One day three men are out having a relaxing
day fishing, when suddenly

they catch a mermaid. After hauling the mermaid up in a net, she
promises that if the men set her free, in return she will grant
each of them a wish.



The first man doesn’t believe it so he says, “Alright, if you can
really

grant wishes, then double my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done” and suddenly, the first man starts to

flawlessly recite Shakespeare and analyze it with extreme
insight.

The second man is so amazed, he looks at the mermaid and says,
“Triple

my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done” and the second man starts to recite
solutions

to all of the mathematical problems that have been stumping all of the
scientists in various fields from physics to chemistry,
etc.

The third man is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, he

says to the mermaid: “Quintuple my IQ.”

The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try
to

change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you’d
reconsider.”

The man responds, “Nope, I want you to increase my IQ times five,
and

if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

“Please,” said the mermaid “You don’t know what you’re
asking…it’ll

change your entire view on the universe. Won’t you ask for something
else… a million dollars, anything?”

But no matter what the mermaid said, the third man insisted on
having

his IQ increased by five times it’s usual power.

So the mermaid finally relented and said, “Done.”


The third man became a woman.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

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Men are Like


Men are like…Bank Accounts. Without a lot
of money, they don’t generate
much interest.
*
Men are like…Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise
they just
look silly.


*
Men are like…Blenders. You need one, but you’re not quite sure
why.
*
Men are like...Commercials. You can’t believe a word they
say.
*
Men are like…Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough
memory.
*
Men are like…Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them
anywhere.
*
Men are like…Government bonds. They take so long to
mature.
*
Men are like…High heels. They’re easy to walk on once you get the
hang of it.
*
Men are like…Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are
usually
wrong.
*
Men are like…Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that
bright.
*
Men are like…Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.
*
Men are like…Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware
store
or the bathroom.
*
Men are like…Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and
unreliable.
*
Men are like…Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of
them.

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Fall Style

Men


Men

 Getting rid of a man without hurting his
masculinity is a problem. “Get
out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If
you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to
marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid
marks.

 


Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes.
Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with
Barbie.
*

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get
to
date young girls and drive motorcycles.
*

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men
need
instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what
happened.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.


 

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Art Prints

Leroy

 

The Social Worker

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

Wow,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they all yours?!?”

“Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard

that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All
the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”

“This one’s my oldest: his name is Leroy.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one, he is Leroy, also.”

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one,

through the oldest four, all boys, all are named Leroy. Then she is
introduced to the eldest girl, named Leigh Roy!

“All right…” says the caseworker, “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they all named Leroy?”

Their Momma replied, “Well, yes — it makes it easier. When it is

time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An’
when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ an’ they all comes a
runnin.’ An ‘if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I
just yell ‘Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever
had, namin’ them all Leroy.”

The social worker thinks this over for a bit and agrees, but then she

wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”

“Oh, then I call them by their last names.”

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

thinking

America is in serious trouble, many no longer realize what values and principles our country is founded on and have strayed from the common sense and creative thinking of our ancestors, how can we fix it?

 

Sell Art Online

 

Senile Sex

 

Coffee Shop: The husband leans over and asks his wife,
‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over
fifty years ago?

We went behind the village pub where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’
‘Yes’, she says, ‘I remember it well.’
‘OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’
‘Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation
and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence…
I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for
support aided by walking sticks..finally, they get to the back of the
pub and make their way to the fence…

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,
this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,
‘Excuse me, but that was something else.
You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?’

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
‘Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence…

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

 

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Man Vs. Woman


Man Vs. Woman


Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.

The Morning:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Money Management:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item
he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she
doesn’t.

Happiness:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him
a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.

Marriage Expectations:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she
does.
Both are disappointed

Marriage Decisions:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.

Marriage and the Future:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a
wife.

Memories:
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry
her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn’t
marry.

Understanding Women:
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before
marriage and after marriage.

What a Woman Wants:
Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy:
One is to let her think she is having her own way.
The other is to let her have it.

Longevity:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot
more
willing to die.

Mistakes:
Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use two people
remembering
the same
thing.


The Battle:
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

thinking

America is in serious trouble, many no longer realize what values and principles our country is founded on and have strayed from the common sense and creative thinking of our ancestors, how can we fix it?

 

Sell Art Online

A Man is a Person


A Man Is a Person
Who…

 A man is a person who, if a woman says,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” – lets her.


*

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself, and he lets her – gets mad.
*

A man is a person who, if a woman says,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” – lets her and she gets mad – says,
“Now what are you mad about?”
*

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself, and he lets her – gets mad.,
and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” – says,
“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

 

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

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The Cardiologists Funeral

The Cardiologist’s Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

After the usual sermon by a preacher and testimonials from
friends and colleagues, everyone finally learned the purpose of a huge
heart covered in flowers, on the wall behind the casket during the
service.

After a moment of silence the heart opened, and the casket rolled
inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.

The long, stunned hush of the mourners was broken when a man near the front burst into laughter.

The preacher demanded an explanation.

“I’m sorry,” the man said, “I was just thinking of my own funeral — I’m a gynecologist.”

At which point the proctologist fainted.

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