The Senior Citizen Tourist

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.







She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’

 A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!

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The Arm Charm

 

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

 

 

 

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.

‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

 

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

The Big Donation

A man went to church one day
and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand.

 He said,
‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’
The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’

The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’
The preacher said, ‘No shit?’

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

A life long journey of spiritual enlightenment. A journey we all must take.

 

17 Year Old Daughter

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex…
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

The
doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt
to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to
arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then,
talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her
daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the
situation and handed her a box of condoms.The girl burst out laughing
and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

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I love Her But

I Love Her
But…

…she has an uncanny way of standing between
me and the television screen.
Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies,
and all I can see is her butt. –Howard, Dodge City, Kan.

 

… she was furious when I got up early
once and made her breakfast. Called
me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone
what she’d have? –Ted, Wexford, Pa.

…what’s mine is hers. I buy her
negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When
she’s cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my
half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I’m
tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she’d do. –Dave, Martha’s
Vineyard, Mass.

…you can hear her eat soup from the next room.–Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.

…my wife thinks everyone should be a
vegetarian. During meals, she asks
people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops
used to be
smarter than their dogs.–Miles, Shreveport, La.

…she’ll brush her teeth but she won’t go
to the dentist. She says she’s not afraid
of the pain, she just doesn’t want to put herself in the hands of any
fellow
who’d choose
to be a dentist.–Terence, Gary, Ind.

…she’s stopped shaving her legs. She says
that now people will know she’s a
natural
blonde.–Ned, Tucson, Ariz.

…she takes her half of the bed out of
the middle.–Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.

…have you ever seen a woman with green
crust and slime smeared over her face,
dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you’d be able to sleep at night,
knowing
that
creature is next to you?–Arthur, Cedar City, Utah

…my wife’s allergic to everything. Her
nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her
on
the mouth, she’d suffocate.–Bryan, Toledo, Ohio

…she wears these false eyelashes. She
left ’em lying around and I slammed ’em
with my newspaper, tried to kill the darn things. Scared me half to death.
–Gordon,
Oklahoma City, Okla.

…she takes those soaps too seriously. I’ll
come home and find her in tears
because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy’s having a
fictional
affair.–Archie, St. Louis

…it annoys her that our children look
like me. –James, New Orleans

…counting my wife and our teenage girls,
that’s four women. Somebody’s
always
got PMS. –Everett, Little Rock, Ark

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

A life long journey of spiritual enlightenment. A jouney we all must take.

His and Her ATM Machines

His and Hers ATM
Machines

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away


HERS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer

3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.

9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.

11. Hit “cancel”
12. Reenter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse
checks

18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop

28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup
37. Put car in
reverse

38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine

40. Drive 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

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Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

The Gender Gap

Gender Gap

A little girl and a little boy were at day
care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, want to play
house?”


 


He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your
feelings.”

“Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea
what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the
husband.”

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Create your own photo gifts, your photo or mine.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

A life long journey of spiritual enlightenment. A journey we all must take

 

Sell Art Online

Because I am a Guy

Because I Am a
Guy…

Because I’m a guy, I must hold the television
remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I’ll miss a
whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator.


Because I’m a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with
a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a
road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when
the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another guy shows up,
one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t
know where to start.” We will then drink beer.
*
Because I’m a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to
bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t an issue.
*
Because I’m a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like “Cumin” or “Tofu.” For all I know these are
the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me
to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a
euphemism.
*
Because I’m a guy, when one of our appliances stops working
I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
*
Because I’m a guy, we are NEVER lost … and no, I don’t think
we
should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a
complete stranger – how the heck could HE know where we’re
going?
*
Because I’m a guy, there is no need to ask me what I’m
thinking
about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to
make up something else when you ask, so don’t.
*
Because I’m a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother’s day
is okay, I don’t need to see it. Did you remember to pick up
something for my mom too?
*
Because I’m a guy, I am capable of announcing, “one more beer
and I really have to go,” and mean it every single time I say it, even
when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies
and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly
hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I’ll be home soon, and
no, I don’t understand why you threw all my clothes into the front
yard. What’s the connection?
*
Because I’m a guy, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the
movie.
Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.
*
Because I’m a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when
Bruce
Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell
you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover
of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is
buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave
as if you do not find this fascinating.
*
Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I
thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without, it looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Everything is fine. CAN WE JUST GO
NOW?
*
Because I’m a guy and this is, after all, the 90’s, I will
share equally
in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning,
and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.

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Barbie

Barbie

A man goes to the toy store to buy his
daughter a birthday present.
Being a real macho guy, he has no idea what to get her so he asks
for some assistance from a clerk.

“I thought I’d buy her a doll”, he says,
“but which one should I get?”

 

“Well, here we have some of the more popular
ones. we have the Malibu
Barbie for $12.00, which comes with a bathing suit and a towel. We have
the Ballerina Barbie for $23.00, which comes with a tutu and a cassette.
We have the Aerobics Barbie for $30.00, which comes with a leotard and
a workout CD. And we have the new Divorce, Barbie for
$1500.00.”

The man was flabbergasted. “Why does that
one cost so much more
than the others?”

“Oh well that’s easy.”, replied the clerk,
“This Barbie comes with Ken’s
car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s house, Ken’s…”

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Enlightenment

A personal journey of spiritual awakening

The Benefits of Being a Woman

The Benefits of Being a
Woman

We got off the Titanic
first.
*
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological
disorder excuses.
*
We can be groupies. Male groupies are
stalkers.
*
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
*
Taxis stop for us.
*
We don’t look like a frog in a blender when
dancing.
*
Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the
point.)
*
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on
life.


*
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the
Speedo.
*
If we forget to shave, no one has to
know.
*
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her
butt.
*
If we’re dumb, some people will find it
cute.
*
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
*
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that
we look like an idiot.
*
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
*
We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
*
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their
shoes.
*
We’ll never discover we’ve been duped by a
Wonderbra.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

 

 


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