My Spell Checker

Anyone Else have this problem?

Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

 

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
Eye am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

The Blonde and Y2K

TO: The Boss
SUBJECT: Changing Calendars from Y2K

I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be
honest,
none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have
finished the conversion of all the months on all the company calendars for
next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to
be
distributed with the following new months:

Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak

We are now Y to K compliant.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow

 

him on your Kindle.

 

Sarah and the Mailbox

Sarah and the
Mailbox

Sarah went to her mail box several times
before it was even time for
the mailman to make his rounds.

A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she
was
waiting for a special delivery.

Her reply: “My computer keeps telling me I have
mail”.

Get a steady stream of wit and wisdom delivered to you Kindle.

What Your Computer is Telling You

What Your Computer Is Trying to Tell
You

It says: “Press Any Key”
It means: “Press any key you like, but I’m not
going to do anything.”

It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical
support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E”
It means: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10
minutes, only to be told that it’s a hardware
problem.”

It says: “Installing program to C:\….”
It means: “… And I’ll also be writing a few files
into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you’ll
NEVER find them.”

It says: “Please insert disk 11”
It means: “Because I know very well there are only
10 disks.”

It says: “Not enough memory“
It means: “I don’t CARE if you’ve got 64MB of RAM, I
want to use the bit below 640K.”

It says: “Cannot read from drive D:….”
It means: “… However, if you put the CD in right
side up…”

It says: “Please Wait….”
It means: “… Indefinitely.”

It says: “Directory does not exist….”
It means: “…. any more. Whoops.”

It says: “The application caused an error. Choose
Ignore or Close.”
It means: “….Makes no difference to me, you’re
still not getting your work back.”

For your laughs,follow me on Kindle.

<!–RADEDITORSAVEDTAG_NOSCRIPT>Amazon.com Widgets</NOSCRIPT–>

Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Tech Support

Things You Don’t Want to Hear From a Tech
Support

“Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick
handy?”
*
“That’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.”

*
“So — what are you wearing?”
*
“Duuuuuude! Bummer!”
*
“Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilithium crystals,
Cap’n.”
*
“Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60
Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”
*
“We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter
knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”
*
“In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg
Effect.”
*
“Hold on a second… Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”
*
“Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.”
*
“Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.”

More jokes on Kindle.

The Technically Challenged

The Technologically Challenged

1. Compaq is considering changing the command
“Press Any Key” to Press
Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key
is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to
control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag
the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies
of the floppies.

4. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
back in
the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and
was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close
the door to his room.

5. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer
to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the
monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.

6. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard
no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
individually.

7. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because
his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid.” The tech explained
that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be
taken
personally.

8. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
He told
the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer.” The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but
that
his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.

9. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get
her new
Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the
technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens. “
The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s
mouse.

10. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, “What power
switch?”

11. Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang
for
support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in
the third disk, I couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized
that
“Insert Disk 2” meant to remove Disk 1 first.

12. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions
for
installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its
cover
and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of
the
disk and wondered why there were problems.

Check out my jokes on Kindle

RADEDITORSAVEDTAGBEGINNING
amazon_ad_tag = “garwonpho-20”; amazon_ad_width = “300”; amazon_ad_height = “250”; amazon_ad_link_target = “new”;//RADEDITORSAVEDTAGENDING

Smart Appliances

Smart
Appliances

With plans in full swing for the appliances
of tomorrow–from
networked water heaters to refrigerators that order groceries–
we consumers must prepare for the inevitability of these sci-fi
devices in our everyday lives.

But smart appliances may do more than save time. Our top ten
reasons to dread them:

1. Over the limit: The bathroom scale keeps telling the fridge
to stop ordering food.

2. Tattle snooze: Your smart pillow talks to your PC, which
emails your boss with a message that, yep, you’ve overslept
again.

3. Brand name: Not only does your stovetop grill know when
steak is cooked to your exact specifications, but it sears a
nice flying Windows logo onto each side.

4. Buying on spec: Sunglasses combine UV protection with real-
time stock quotes, but laugh maniacally when you approach
margin calls.

5. Car talk: Your dashboard computer insists on making blonde
jokes about your driving.

6. Rotten sense of humor: The perky “kitchen assistant,” an
animated onscreen spatula, keeps calling your mobile phone
and asking, “Is your refrigerator running?”

7. Lack of privacy: Your mailbox keeps asking why you get so
many plain brown packages.

8. No dim bulbs: Your lamps are so full of bright ideas you
have to pay for their MENSA memberships.

9. High maintenance: Your appliances secretly open a joint bank
account for repairman kickbacks.

10. Anticompetitive practices: Your Microsoft coffeemaker
monopolizes the countertop.

Get your chuckles on Kindle

It’s Not a Good Computer If

It’s Not a Good Computer
If…

The lower corner of screen has the words
“Etch-a-sketch” on it.

*

In order to start it you need some jumper cables
and a friend’s car.

*
The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages
long.

*
Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your
neighborhood start
howling.

*
The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t
it break time yet?”

*
The manual contains only one sentence: “Good
Luck!”

*
The only chip inside is a
Dorito.

Get your chuckles three times a week on Kindle.

If Life Was Like A Computer

If Only Life Could Be Like a
Computer

If you messed up your life, you could press
“Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and
start all over!
*
To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

*
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
*
Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
*
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound
blaster.
*
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control
panel.
*
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display
settings.
*
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
*
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
*
“Help” with the chores is just a click away.
*
Auto insurance wouldn’t be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on “SEND NOW” and a Pizza would be on
it’s way
to YOU.

Get your chuckles on Kindle

<!–RADEDITORSAVEDTAG_NOSCRIPT>Amazon.com Widgets</NOSCRIPT–>

Today I will be Online

I Don’t Wanna

I don’t wanna do the dishes
I don’t wanna do the wash
I sprinkled clothes a week ago
And now my iron is lost!!

I don’t wanna rattle pots
I don’t wanna rattle pans
I see the mail light flashin’
I wanna chat with friends!!

Oh the tables need some dustin’
and the floor could sure be mopped
But I know if I get started
there’ll be no place to stop

The closets are so full
things are falling off the shelves
I wish for cleaning fairies
and magic little elves.

They could sprinkle fairy dust
and twitch their little nose
The windows would be sparkling
I would have no dirty clothes

Oh I know that I’m just dreamin’
My head is in the sky
I must cook that meat that’s greying
and bake that apple pie

The Hubby needs a bath
Doggy needs attention
Oh.. the other way around I mean
my brain is in suspension

I am runnin’ round in circles
I am gettin’ nothin’ done,
I keep thinking of my web
I am missing all the fun!!!

Well I know I’m not addicted
though I hear that all the time
But I guess this stuff can wait on me
Cause Today I’ll Be On Line!!!

Get your chuckles on Kindle