The Parrot

The Parrot


So there’s this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT !”.
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, “OK for you”, and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.For the first few seconds , there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he  opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says: “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”
The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, “By the way, what did the chicken do?”

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

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The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

 

Art Prints

 

Computer Sex

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”

The teacher wasn’t certain which it was,and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.
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Computers4SURE (4SURE.com - An Office Depot Co.)Funny? Now ,follow me on Kindle.

The Legionaires Mirage

The Legionnaires Mirage

Warning: terrible pun alert.

– – –

Three Legionnaires are walking through the desert under a baking sun.They’re fully equipped with enough water for days and food aplenty –but they were fascinated that they still saw mirages.

They see visions of swimming pools attended by dusky maidens.They see stalls full of ice creams and sorbets of every conceivable flavor. They see cool ponds inviting them to take a swim. But the Legionnaires do not crack. Instead they keep marching solidly on.

Suddenly one of them freezes. “Psssst,” he says. His companions halt and strain their eyes to where the first Legionnaire is pointing.

“There!” he says, with a thick accent. “Is zat a bacon tree on ze horizon?”

And sure enough, there it is, proud and defiant in the middle of the desert: an actual bacon tree! Slowly they creep forward towards the far off mystery object . Centimeter by centimeter they carefully crawl until they are within a stone’s throw of the bacon tree. Ever nearer they creep until suddenly a shot rings out, dropping one of the Legionnaires in his tracks. The other Legionnaires hit the ground as bullets thud into the sand around them.

The other two return fire and give first aid to their wounded companion.

Even as they bandage him and pour water over his face they can hear his
faint voice:

“Zat vas no bacon tree,” the wounded man gasps out as his final words. “Zat iz a ham bush.”


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

The informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

The Doctor and the Motorcycle Mechanic

The Doctor and the Motorcycle Mechanic

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop .

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc,look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks , when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…
“Try doing it with the engine running.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Auto Parts Warehouse

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

The informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Art Prints

 

The Talking Parrots

Talking Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquires.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun ?'”

“That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responds. 

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

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West Texas Lawman

West Texas Lawman

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big –6’2″ — and strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally became of age he applied to the only place he had dreamed of working : the West Texas Sheriff’s Department.

After a big mess of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man’s final interview.

“You’re a big strong kid and you can really shoot,” the Chief Deputy says. “So far your qualifications all look good . But we have what you call an ‘attitude suitability test’ that you must take before you can be accepted.”

“Yes, sir,” the boy replied.

“We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”

“No, sir!” he answer.

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief says:

“Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
and a rabbit.”

“A rabbit?” the kid replies. “Why the rabbit?”

“Great attitude, son,” says the Chief Deputy, putting the pistol back in his drawer. “When can you start?”

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated


alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Photography Prints

24 Hours to Live

Art Prints

24 Hours to Live

Paul returned from a doctor’s visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, “Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?” Alma agrees and again they make love.

Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma’s shoulder and said, “Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.” She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. “Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we…?”

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, “Listen Paul, I have to get up in the morning. You don’t.”

The big little book of Jewish wit and wisdom.


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

What’s Their Handicap?

What’s Their Handicap?

A doctor, a priest and an engineer were trying to enjoy a morning of golf , but they were stuck behind an extremely slow group; those men missed every putt, had a hard time lining up shots, and occasionally even teed off in the wrong direction.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys?”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The priest said, “Hey, here comes the pro. Let’s have a word with him.”

They signal him over. “Hi, George,” the priest says. “What’s with that group ahead of us? They’re delaying our game.”

The pro replied, “It’s a sad, sad, story. That’s a group of blind firefighters; they lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free.”

The group fell silent in shame.

The priest said, “That’s awful! I will say a special prayer for them tonight and take up a collection with my congregation.”

The doctor added, “I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy to see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

And the engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Novelty Golf Balls Now Available From golfballs.com!alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?