Lumberyard Questions

Lumberyard Questions

A blonde couple drives into a lumberyard. The male half gets out of the truck, walks up to a worker, and says he needs a bunch of four-by-twos.

“You mean two-by-fours?” the worker asks.

“Hm, I’m not sure,” the male blonde says. “I’ll go check.”

He walks back to the truck, and the man and his blonde wife consult a book.

“Yeah,” he says after getting the answer. “I meant two-by-fours.”

“All right,” says the worker. “How long do you need them?”

This time, the blonde wife didn’t even need to consult the book.

“A really long time,” she calls over from the truck. “We’re gonna build a house.”

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

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I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

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4 Sarah Quickies

4 Sarah
Quickies

What do you call four Sarahs in a
Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinkin.
*
Did you hear about when Sarah that stayed up all night to see where
the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
*
What does a smart Sarah and UFO’s have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
*
These two Sarahs walk into a building. You’d think one of them would
have seen it.

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Dumb Blonde Jokes

Dumb Blond  Jokes

 What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year’s hide and seek champion.

 What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

 Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

 What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievement?
An in-body experience !

 What did the dumb blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

 Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes ?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night.

 How do you get a dumb blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.

 How do dumb blonde braincells die?
Alone.

 What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A number of people claim to have seen a Bigfoot.

 What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.

 What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.

 What’s the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.

 Why do blondes drive VW’s?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.

 How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t — they’re born that way.

 How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.

 What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell — she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth!

What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.

 What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
Gifted.

 Why do blondes have square boobs?
No one told them to take the tissues out of the box first.

Where does a blonde hemophiliac go for medical treatment?
An acupuncturist.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money, often a full-time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income.

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The Blonde Road Painter

The Blonde Painter

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. Her assignment was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.

The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!

“Great,” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out.”

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet.”

The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought he better talk to her before it gets any worse.

The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury,equipment failure? What’s keeping you from meeting the 2 mile average?”

“Well,” the blonde replied, “each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket.”

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Blonde Shoots Herself

 A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“And then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“And then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make aloud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

America is in serious trouble, many no longer realize what values and principles our country is founded on and have strayed from the common sense and creative thinking of our ancestors, how can we fix it?

 

A Young Female Blonde

A young blonde female

A stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a MG convertible.

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That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored
and she fell in love with it’s gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind,music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn’t have a bloody clue what was wrong.Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the Auto Club and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

“That’s a lovely car,” said the mechanic. “What seems to be the matter?””Well, it just conked out I’m afraid.”

“Let me have a look .” He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

“Thank goodness,” she said. “What was the matter?” “Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,” he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, “Oh, OK… How many times a week do I have to do that?”

Cradle to Cradle, reshaping the way we make things.

 

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Thank God, It’s Friday

A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying,
“T-G-I-F” (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters
only).” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again. He
acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and
said as sweetly as possibly “T-G-I-F” another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical
expression, “S-H-I-T.”
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
“T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”
The man answered, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota,Florida. He has a website featuring  more photos and articles and also markets products featuring some of his travel photos.

The Killer Jigsaw Puzzle

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One morning a blonde calls her friend and says, “Please come over andhelp me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out howto start it.”

Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”

The blonde says, “From the picture on the box, it`s a tiger.”

The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a minute,then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says, “First, no matter what I do, I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”

“Second, I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!

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Funny? Now follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.