The San Francisco Way

The San Francisco Way

The company boss goes up to his four employees, and he’s got a serious look on his face.

The black employee speaks first. “Can’t be me. I’m a protected minority.”
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Drivers Exam

Drivers Exam

California supposedly has the best drivers — but there are always exceptions.

These are supposedly real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders). Riiiiight.

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Drive like minamoto.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

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A Big Ball of Fire

A Big Ball of Fire

Janet Reid was driving her daughter westward after the Malibu fires when the smoke in the sky made everything look surreal.

“Ooh, Wendy, look at the sun,” she told her daughter. “It looks like a big ball of fire.”

The 3-year-old preschooler replied: “It is a big ball of fire.”

— from Los Angeles Times , Jan 13, 1997

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The Washingtonian

Three men, a Californian, a Nebraskan, and a Washingtonian were walking along the beach when they came across a lantern. While they were examining it, a genie popped out and declared, “I ll give each one of you one wish.”
The Nebraskan said,”I am a farmer, my father was a farmer, and my son will be a farmer, so I want the land in Nebraska to be fertile forever.”
There was a puff of smoke and the genie said the wish had been granted.
Next it was the Californians turn.
 He told the genie, “I want a wall around California so that no foreigners can come into our precious state.”
 There was a puff of smoke and the genie said the wish had been granted.
Finally it was the Washingtonians turn, he said to the genie,”Tell me more about this wall around California.”
“Well,” said the genie,” It’s 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state, nothing can get in or out.”
“Interesting, “mused the Washingtonian, “Fill it with water.”

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