A Day at the Races

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A Day At The Races

One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse — a very long shot — won the race. 

Before the following race, the Priest blessed yet another horse. Mitch made a beeline for the window, and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet a large amount of money on it, and it won!

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears, and hooves of one of the horses.

Mitch bet every cent he had, including his life savings and the deed to his house. Mitch then watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded.

He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, “What happened, Father? All day long you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now, thanks to you, I’ve lost all my savings!”

The priest nodded wisely and said, “That’s the problem with Protestants — you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

The Preacher and the Golfer

Fred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played
golf with his preacher. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to
hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of
expletives.

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The preacher felt obliged to respond. “I have observed,” said he in a calm
voice, “that the best golfers do not use foul language.”

“I guess not, said Fred, “what the hell do they have to cuss about?”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

Exercise More and Eat Less

Exercise More and Eat Better

Now that I’m over 70, the doctor wants me to come in for frequent checkups. I don’t know why, though: he always says the same thing. “You need to eat better and exercise more! Walking and swimming are especially good for you.” Worse, he wants me to cut out steak for fish and vegetables, and cut out beer for water.

That depressed me to no end. But I decided to think about it.

Well, I thought about it for hours, and here’s what I came up with.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks lots of water — and “a whale” is what hugely fat people are called (by the insensitive boors, that is — not by me!)

A rabbit runs and hops and enjoys each day, and only eats vegetables — and a rabbit only lives for 15 years, tops.

But a tortoise doesn’t run around. It does practically nothing. Yet it lives for 450 years.

And he tells me to exercise and change my diet? I don’t think so! From now on, I’m not coming out of my house

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Photography Prints

Way Too Many

Cross-Country Travel

Four women were driving across the country.

Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.

“What the heck are you doing?” demanded the Nebraskan.

“We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!”

That made sense to the gal from Nebraska, so she began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.

“What are you doing that for?” asked the gal from Florida.

“We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!”

Inspired by watching the entire scene, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

 



Art Prints

My Medical Check-Up

My Medical Checkup

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits
and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 90?”

He asked, “Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?”

“Oh no,” I replied, “I’ve never done either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?

I said, “No, I’ve heard that all “red meat” is very unhealthful!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?” he asked.

“No, I don’t,” I said.

He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with sexy people?”

 

“No,” I said, “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then why in hell do you want to live to be 90?”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow

him on your Kindle.

 

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

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The Best Pub in the World

The Best Pub in the World

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfoundlander were sitting in a
bar in Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food
exceptional.

“As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs
back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The
landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks,
he will buy the fifth drink for you.”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red
Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first
two.”

“Ahhh, that’s nothin’,” said the Newfie. “Back home in Sin Jahn’s
there’s the Codfish Bar. The moment you set foot in the place, they’ll
buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then,
when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that
you get laid. All on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately shout down the Newfie’s claims, but he swears every word is true.

“Well,” said the Englishman, still suspicious. “Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not me myself, personally, no,” admitted the Newf. “But it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.


Art Prints

Redneck Fisherman

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a
game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.
The game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?”
“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don’t need none of them there
papers. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish!?!?”

“Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ’em swim
’round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my
net and I take ’em home.”

“What a line of baloney….you’re under arrest.”

The redneck said, “It’s the truth, Mr. Gov’ment man. I’ll show ya!
We do this all the time!!”

“WE do, now, do WE?” smirked the warden. “PROVE it!”
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”

“Well, WHUT?” said the redneck.

The warden asked, “When are you going to call em back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH,” replied the warden!

“Whut fish?” asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain’t as dumb as some government employees

 

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com


You can also follow him on your Kindle.

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors. 

 

 



Art Prints

A Man’s Guide to Tools

A Man’s Guide to Tools

This is not, by any means, a full and complete list. But it’ll get even the most handy handyman started.

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Skil Saw
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

Belt Sander
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

Wire Wheel
Cleans paint off bolts, and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
‘Oh shit’.

Drill Press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you
had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

Hacksaw
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle — it
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
becomes.

Vise Grips
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand. (Note the spelling: a “Vice Grip”
is something else entirely.)

Oxyacetylene Torch
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop
and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

Table Saw
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!

Hydraulic Floor Jack
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed
your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

Band Saw
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large
pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you
cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

Two-Ton Engine Hoist
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but
can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
heads.

Straight Screwdriver
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. (Note: not the opposite of a Gay Screwdriver.)

Pry Bar
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC Pipe Cutter
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

Hammer
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
object we are trying to hit.

Utility Knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used
to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the
damage.

Son Of A Bitch Tool
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a bitch!‘ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need after using any of the above.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

Hunting with Ralph

Hunting with Ralph

The guys are all at a hunting camp. No one wants to room with
Ralph because he snores so badly. They decide it isn’t fair to make one
of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.


The first guy sleeps in the room with Ralph and comes to
breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all
bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Ralph
snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night.”


The next night it’s a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same
thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, you
look awful!” He said, “That Ralph shakes the roof with his snoring. I
watched him all night.”


The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was an older cowboy sort, a man’s man.


The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what
happened?”


Fred says, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Ralph
into bed, patted him on the ass, and kissed him good night. Ralph sat up
and he watched me all night. I slept like a baby.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com


You can also follow him

on your Kindle.



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The Physical Exam

Physical Exam

The career Naval Chief Petty Officer had one more task to
complete before he could finally retire after being in the service since
he was 17: his discharge medical exam.

The doctor gave him a thorough going over and was impressed.
“You’re in excellent health,” he told the over-the-hill seaman. “Except
one thing.”

“What’s that?” the CPO asked, looking a little nervous.

 

Art Prints

“You seem extraordinarily tense. We ruled out medical problems in the
exam,” the doctor said, cautiously trying to probe the man’s psyche,
“but I have a guess: when was the last time you had sexual relations?”

“1945,” came the reply.

“Well that just has to be it, then!” the astounded medic exclaimed.

“I don’t know why you’d think so, doc,” the E8 said, glancing at his watch. “It’s only 0845 now….”

Keep the funnies coming,follow me on your Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?