Washing the Dog

Washing the Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop”grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and ifyou wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even killhim.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to thecounter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him outof washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dogdied but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on yourdog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle!”

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The Football Game

The Football Game

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note betweenthe big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushinglittle animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech torally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The firstplay, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhinowas stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

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The Preacher’s Wife and the Email

The Preacher’s Wife and the E-Mail

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida . His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor,let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

 

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Country Songs

More Country Song Titles

Like the earlier batch of Country Song Titles, I have no idea if these are real songs or not — but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

  • If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
  • If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
  • Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
  • I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
  • I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
  • I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
  • If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
  • If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
  • She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
  • and…

  • Thank God (And Greyhound) She’s Gone
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    Drivers Exam

    Drivers Exam

    California supposedly has the best drivers — but there are always exceptions.

    These are supposedly real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders). Riiiiight.

    Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
    A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

    Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
    A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

    Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
    A: Your car.

    Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
    A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

    Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
    A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

    Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
    A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

    Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
    A: The color.

    Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
    A: Drive like minamoto.

    Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
    A: Carry loaded weapons.

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    Horrible Deaths

    Horrible Deaths

    Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.Apparently it had been a pretty busy day , though, so St. Peter had to  tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story ?”

    The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes,stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me,and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

    “That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.

    The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

    “It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long,when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”

    Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

    The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

    “Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”

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