You Know You’re on a No Frills Airline When

They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.
*

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
*

Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
*

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
*

Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
*

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
*

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
*

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
*

The ground crew uses jumper cables and an old pickup truck to start the
engines.
*

You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, “Just once.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

George Koritzer

 

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Basic Rules for Pilots

 Basic Rules for Pilots

Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.

It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.

There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.

If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.

Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.

The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Basic Rules for Pilots

Basic Rules for Pilots

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. 

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and, therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the USAF would just be another expensive flying club.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

If you’re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.

You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

The three most common expressions (aka famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?”, and “Uh oh.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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alcohol
In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

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Aircraft Jokes

Aircraft Maintenance

I’m not sure about the “actual” bit, since it has been attributed to the U.S. Air Force, United Airlines, Qantas Airlines, and more. But it’s a great old classic about clear communications

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses:

P = the problem logged by the pilot.
S = the solution and action taken by engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

 schoolhouse

A life long journey of spiritual enlightenment. A journey we all must take. 
Since time immemorial , humankind has embarked on a spiritual journey to seek enlightenment. All travel this path, although not at the same time and more especially not at the same pace. Each must seek his own path and destination.

Air New Zealand

Air New Zealand

An oldie — and not for the easily offended.

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The flight attendant responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me that?”

The boy said, “Yes, she did.”

“Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

A modern day vision quest

A modern day vision quest

Join me in a journey of self discovery and enlightenment. Journey to the outback of Australia and learn the ways of the ancient aborigines.

 

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Funny Airline Announcements


Occasionally, airline attendants make an
effort to make the
“in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a
bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that
have been heard or reported:

 

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“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane…”
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“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you
must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will
escort you to the wing of the airplane.
*

“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught
smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
immediately.”
*

Pilot – “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free
to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane
till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on
the wings it affects the flight pattern.”
*

And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business
Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much
as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
*

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to
cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning
to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head
attendant announced on the intercom, “This aircraft is
equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the
cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their
seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop
at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the
aircraft.”
*

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa,
big fella. WHOA!”
*

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
hell everything has shifted.”
*

From a Southwest Airlines employee…. “Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public
unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you love
more.
*

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we
arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your
money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
*

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with
our compliments.”
*

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, “We’ve reached
our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat
belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come
back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the
flight.”
*

“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop
from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own
mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting
like children.”
*

“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses.”
*

“Last one off the plane must clean it.”
*

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry…Unfortunately none of them are on this
flight…!
*

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing
in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the
intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what
ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the
airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the
flight attendants’ fault…..it was the
asphalt!”
*

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
final approach the Captain was really having to fight it.
After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came
on the PA and announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our
airplane to the gate!”
*

Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect
landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
*

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
give them a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that
in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for
this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny,
mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the
pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land
or were we shot down?”
*

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please
remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have
brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick
your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
*

Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the
next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think
of us here at US Airways.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

A journey of spiritual discovery

A journey of spiritual discovery

At this period of time in the history of man, there is probably more individual searching being done into the theories behind the origin of the human race,what happens after death,the possibility of life on other planets, and what our relationship is to these life forms, if they do exist. There are millions of people who are questioning the existence of God, who he really is, and what is my relationship with him? Is he someone who mysteriously floats around on a cloud watching and judging us from above like some bigger than life Santa Claus, or is he, like many of the esoteric sciences claim, a part of our inner Self, whom we have constant contact with, someone whom we and everything in the universe are connected and are thus one? Each of us in our own way is experiencing what God is, and thus we are each a part of God, thus we are God! This book is a brief account of my search for my own truth

 

The Blind Pilots

The Airline Pilots

Passengers on a small plane are waiting for the flight to leave.
They’re getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them
the pilots will be there soon, and then the flight can take off.

Finally the entrance opens, and two men dressed in Pilots’ uniforms
walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide
dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the
cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane really is in good
hands.

Meanwhile, in the cockpit, the pilot turns to the co-pilot and says,
“You know, Jim one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and
we’re all gonna die.”

Keep the funnies coming,follow me on your Kindle.

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The Pilot and the Navigator

The Pilot and the Navigator

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.
The navigator eyed him suspiciously as he placed it on top of the
instrument panel.

After an uncomfortable pause, the pilot asks him, “Do you know what I use this for?”

“No, sir. What’s it for?” the navigator asked, even though he was pretty sure what was up.

“I use this on navigators who get me lost!” the pilot said.

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The pilot smirked, and turned back to his flying.

A few minutes later, the navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and
place it on his chart table, in full view of the pilot, but he didn’t
say anything.

The pilot finally had to ask: “What’s that for?”

“To be honest, sir,” the navigator replied, “I’ll know we’re lost long before you will.”

If you would like to receive a chuckle in your Kindle, you can follow my posts.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

The Blonde Pilot

 

The Blonde Pilot

A blonde was the sole passenger in a two-seater airplane when the pilot suddenly has a heart attack and dies. 

But she knew what to do: she had seen it in the movies! She grabs the
radio microphone and calls out: “Mayday Mayday Mayday! Help me! Help
me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. I don’t know how to fly.
Help me! Please help me!”

Immediately a calm, reassuring voice replies. “This is Air Traffic
Control,” he says, “and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you
through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of
experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath.
Everything will be fine. Give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m five-foot-four and I support Mitt Romney.”

There’s a long pause.


“O.K.” says the voice on the radio, “I didn’t realize you were blonde. Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in Heaven….”

For more jokes, follow me on Kindle.


 

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

The Old Pilot

During a commercial airline flight a retired pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began breast feeding the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he
gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related
items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
“Gosh, that’s a good looking baby — and he sure was hungry!”

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the changing
pressure in the baby’s ears.


“And all those years,” the old captain said, suddenly looking terribly sad, “I just chewed gum.”

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