The Redneck Vacation

Art Prints

Redneck Vacation

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.”

“Well, what are you going to do, then?” Luther asks.

“Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Luther agrees.

“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.”

“I remember,” Luther says.

“Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”

“Yep,” Luther says. “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

“Well,” Billy Bob says, “this year I’m taking Earlene with me.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them

 

You Know You’re a Redneck Part 3

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota..

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on the side..

The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Walmart..

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..

You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table..

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..

Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always
brings you home..

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvement..

You’ve used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..

Somebody tells you that you’ve got something in your teeth and you
take them out to see what it is.

The Complete Calvin and Hobbs

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

 

Sell Art Online

You Know You’re a Redneck Part 2

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem..

You’ve bathed with flea and tick soap..

You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog..

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell..

You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture..

You took a fishing pole to Sea World..

You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program..

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold..

You have a rag for a gas cap..

Your father executes the “Pull my finger” trick during Christmas
dinner..

Your house doesn’t have curtains but your truck does..

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean..

You can spit without opening your mouth..

You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Photography Prints

 

You know You’re A Redneck Part One

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a
flyswatter..

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center..

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years..

You burn your yard rather than mow it..

The Salvation Army declines your mattress..

Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor.
to spare a loved one..

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t
want it..

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial..

You come back from the dump with more than you took..

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table..

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat..

Your grandmother has “Ammo”on her Christmas list..

You’ve been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

Sony Camcorder

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Photography Prints

Redneck Book of Manners

Tips From The Redneck Book Of Manners

General

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re completely certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

3. Belching “to make room for dessert” is frowned upon.

Entertaining In Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

3. Waking the children to come out so you can show guests “they ain’t got no birth defects” is impolite. (And bringing them out to show guests that they do have them is considered very rude.)

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. (However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.)

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Weddings

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving

1. When sending your date down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to also bring back beer.

2. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Sell Art Online

The Ducks Made it


A man traveling down a country road was forced
to stop before a giant puddle
covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed
a
farmer leaning on a fence. “Think it’s safe to cross?” the man
asked.

“I reckon so,” replied the
farmer.

 

The car was immediately swallowed by the
puddle as the man drove in. In
fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his
car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the
farmer, “I thought you said I could safely drive through this
puddle!”

“Well, shoot!” said the farmer, scratching
his head. “It only come up
chest-high on my ducks!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website: www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

Clearing the Forest

 


A large, well established, lumber camp advertised
that
they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at
the camp with his axe and knocked on the head
lumberjack’s door. The head lumberjack took one look
at the little man and told him to leave.

“Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,”
begged the skinny man.

“Okay, see that giant redwood over there? Take your
axe and go cut it down.”

The skinny man headed for the tree, and five minutes
later he returned to tell the head lumberjack that he
had successfully cut the tree down.

The head lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like
that?” he asked the little man.

“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the little
man.

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the
lumberjack.

The little man grinned and replied, “Oh sure, that’s
what they call it now!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

Tech Talk for Country Folks


1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove
hotter.

*
2. LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.

 

*
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood
stove.

*
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the
truk.

*
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the
farwood.

*
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much
farwood.

*
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the
farwood.

*
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter
time.

*
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain’t in the winter
time.

*
10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it’s cold
outside.

*
11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it’s blak fly
season.

*
12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.

*
13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.

*
14. MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie
bag.

*
15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.

*
16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.

*
17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.

*
18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.

*
19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and
knifs.

*
20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.

*
21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.

*
22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.

*
23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer “C’mon in
y’all”

*
24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain’t ‘member whut ya
paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.

*
25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat
hole.


Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

 

Redneck IQ Test

Redneck IQ Test

From a buddy who grew up in West Virginia. He sent it with the
comment, “I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in
the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam!”

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) ’65 Ford Fairlane
( ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) ’64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The
density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.
The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.
How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his
grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and still have
enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will
be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn’t ya?
It’s okay if’n ya didn’t do all that well. Just goes to show
ya…There’s a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don’t
prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the “Redneck IQ Test”, here’s some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece: Next time
you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an
order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with em.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Redneck Fisherman

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a
game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.
The game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?”
“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don’t need none of them there
papers. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish!?!?”

“Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ’em swim
’round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my
net and I take ’em home.”

“What a line of baloney….you’re under arrest.”

The redneck said, “It’s the truth, Mr. Gov’ment man. I’ll show ya!
We do this all the time!!”

“WE do, now, do WE?” smirked the warden. “PROVE it!”
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”

“Well, WHUT?” said the redneck.

The warden asked, “When are you going to call em back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH,” replied the warden!

“Whut fish?” asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain’t as dumb as some government employees

 

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com


You can also follow him on your Kindle.

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors. 

 

 



Art Prints