Laws for the 21st Century

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Laws For 21st Century Life

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.

Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them ?

 

Church Signs

Art Prints

The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

Under same management for over 2,000 years.

Soul food served here.

Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!

Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church.

We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead
of the age of rock.

Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case!

Come early for a good seat in the back.

Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What’s yours?

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

A man’s character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened
by whitewash.

K-mart isn’t the only saving place!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.


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Preach the gospel at all times … Use words only if
necessary.

Delay is preferable to error.

It’s hard to stumble when you’re on your knees.

What part of “THOU SHALT NOT” don’t you understand?

A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday!

Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.

Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings.

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

May is God’s apology for February.

To belittle is to be little.

Don’t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness
in you. God answers knee mail.

Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always
take you back.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

 

Save 15% on popcorn and treats from ThePopcornFactory.com! Use code: LS15

You Know You live In Phoenix When

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one
out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

 

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I Need a Push

I Need a Push!

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told: he gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes!” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“OK. Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here,” replies the drunk, “on the swing!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Photography Prints

Golfballs.com Custom Golf Apparel

Some Great Useless One Liners

Some Great But Useless One-Liners

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
world’s population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of
12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.journeysthrulife.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

best of times

The best of times

A narrative about what life in The United States was in our golden era, and how it became what it is, and offering solutions to enable us to once again travel the path to freedom and self reliance.

Redneck Medical Terms

Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria……………Back door to cafeteria.

Barium……………..What you do with dead folks.

Cesarean Section…….A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan…………….Searching for the cat.

Cauterize……….Made eye contact with her.

Colic……………A sheep dog.

Coma……………A punctuation mark.

D&C…………….Where Washington is.

Dilate………….To live longer than your kids do.

Enema………….Not a friend.

Fester…………Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………A small lie.

G.I.Series………World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail………..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent……Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain……….Getting hurt at work.

Morbid…………..A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates………..Cheaper than day rates.

Medical Staff…….A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.

Node………………..I knew it.

Outpatient…………..A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear…………….A fatherhood test.

Pelvis……………….Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative………..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room….Place to do upholstery.

Secretion…….Hiding something.

Tablet……….A small table to change babies on.

Seizure……….Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness….Getting sick at the train station.

Tumor……………More than one.

Urine……………Opposite of mine.

Varicose…………Near by.

Hospital…………The biggest building in town, other than Joe’s feed
warehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

modern walk

A Modern day walkabout

The Bookie at the Inn

The Bookmaker at the Inn

A certain bookmaker who was making a long trip by car when toward nightfall he happened upon an inn which had a most unusual name: The Even Steven.

Since it was located in the middle of a desolate stretch of country, and he didn’t know how much farther the next place would be, he decided to stop there for the night. He registered, listing his occupation as a bookmaker, and decided to satisfy his curiosity about the name at the same time.

“It’s very simple, really,” the proprietor explained. “You see, my name is Steven Even. So I just decided to turn it around and call this The Even Steven. I thought if might get a few folks puzzled enough to stop and ask questions, and sometimes it does.”

“That’s a pretty smart way to use the luck of a name,” said the bookie, appreciatively. “I bet it brings you a lot of business.”

“It hasn’t brought me so much luck,” he said. “The folks who stop here don’t stay long. There’s not much gaiety around here, as you could see. In fact, there’s not another soul lives closer than thirty miles away, whichever way you go. Makes it pretty lonely for me, a widower. And worse still for my daughters — two of the loveliest girls you ever set eyes on, should have their pick of boyfriends. But, they are getting so frustrated they’re about to do anything for a man.”

The bookie made sympathetic noises, and listened to more in the same vein until hunger obliged him to change the subject to that of food. An excellent home-cooked dinner was served to him by a gorgeous blonde who introduced herself as Blanche Even, and when he was finished she still kept pressing him to ask for anything else he wanted.

Finally, she said, “Would you like me to sit and talk to you for a while?”

“Thank you,” he said politely, “but I’ve had a long day and I feel like closing the book.”

He went to his room and had just started to undress when there was a knock at the door and an absolutely breathtaking brunette came in. “I’m Carmen Even,” she said. “I just wanted to see if you’d got everything you want.”

“I think so, thank you,” he said pleasantly. “I do a lot of traveling, so I pack very systematically.”

When she had gone, he settled down with a sigh of relief and was about to put out the light at last when the door burst open once more and the proprietor himself stomped in, glowing with indignation. “What’s the matter with you,” he roared. “I’ve got to listen all night to my daughters moaning an’ wailing, the most luscious gals in this county, because they all try to show you hospitality an’ you won’t give one of ’em a tumble. Ain’t us Evens good enough for you?”

“I’m sorry,” said the transient. “But I told you when I registered that I’m a professional bookmaker: I only lay Odds.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Exercise More and Eat Less

Exercise More and Eat Better

Now that I’m over 70, the doctor wants me to come in for frequent checkups. I don’t know why, though: he always says the same thing. “You need to eat better and exercise more! Walking and swimming are especially good for you.” Worse, he wants me to cut out steak for fish and vegetables, and cut out beer for water.

That depressed me to no end. But I decided to think about it.

Well, I thought about it for hours, and here’s what I came up with.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks lots of water — and “a whale” is what hugely fat people are called (by the insensitive boors, that is — not by me!)

A rabbit runs and hops and enjoys each day, and only eats vegetables — and a rabbit only lives for 15 years, tops.

But a tortoise doesn’t run around. It does practically nothing. Yet it lives for 450 years.

And he tells me to exercise and change my diet? I don’t think so! From now on, I’m not coming out of my house

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Photography Prints

I think it’s raining

I Think It’s
Raining

A Russian couple was walking down the street
in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining” he
said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me” she
replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a
minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not
fight about it”, the man said, “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it’s officially raining or snowing.”

As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph,
is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course!” he replied, and walked
on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like
snow!”

The man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear!”

Follow me on Kindle and laugh along.

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