Tide gets the stains out

Tide Detergent: It Gets The Stains Out!

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go — I have to write to the Hefty Bag people.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health, improve your wealth

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

 

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Redneck Medical Terms

Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria……………Back door to cafeteria.

Barium……………..What you do with dead folks.

Cesarean Section…….A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan…………….Searching for the cat.

Cauterize……….Made eye contact with her.

Colic……………A sheep dog.

Coma……………A punctuation mark.

D&C…………….Where Washington is.

Dilate………….To live longer than your kids do.

Enema………….Not a friend.

Fester…………Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………A small lie.

G.I.Series………World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail………..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent……Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain……….Getting hurt at work.

Morbid…………..A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates………..Cheaper than day rates.

Medical Staff…….A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.

Node………………..I knew it.

Outpatient…………..A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear…………….A fatherhood test.

Pelvis……………….Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative………..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room….Place to do upholstery.

Secretion…….Hiding something.

Tablet……….A small table to change babies on.

Seizure……….Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness….Getting sick at the train station.

Tumor……………More than one.

Urine……………Opposite of mine.

Varicose…………Near by.

Hospital…………The biggest building in town, other than Joe’s feed
warehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

A Modern day walkabout

Patient’s Charts

The following are comments from doctors as recorded on patient charts.

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

“On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared
completely.”

“The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.”

“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.”

“Discharge status: Alive but without permission.”

“Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

“The patient refused an autopsy.”

“Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.”

“Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.”

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

“She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

“The skin was moist and dry.”

“Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.”

“I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.”

“The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.”

“Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.”

“Skin: Somewhat pale but present.”

“Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen, and I agree.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

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The First aid Class

The First aid Class.

via The First aid Class.

The First aid Class

Her First Aid Class

“How come you’re late?” asked the bartender, as the cocktail waitress walked into the bar.

“It was awful,” she explained. “I was walking down Elm Street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere! Thank God I took that first-aid course!”

“Did you splint his broken leg?” the bartender asked.

“No….” the girl said.

“Did you wrap his head in gauze?” he asked.

“No….” the girl said.

“Did you dress his wounds?” he asked, starting to really wonder.

“No….” the girl said.

“Well, what did you do that you learned in your first-aid class?” he finally asked.

“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

//
// <![CDATA[

// ]]>

Confessions of a Doctor

Confessions from Your Doctor

A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby
in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
–Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I
instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.
–Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a “massive internal fart.”
–Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover
your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
“Left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was
silence. He couldn’t even read the large letter on the top line. I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked: he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
–Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How
long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she
answered “Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”
–Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his general practitioner, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. “The
patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m
running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
–Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

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10 Ways to tell if your company has switched to a cheaper Health Insurance Company

10 Ways to Tell Your Company has Switched to Cheaper Health Insurance

With the lingering bad economy and corporate cutbacks, especially
on benefits, here are some ways to tell if your company has switched to
cheaper health insurance….

—Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

—Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left at the trailer park.”

—The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

—The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

—The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “An apple a day.”

—Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

—”The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges.”

—The only expense covered 100% is “embalming.”

—Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.

—You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

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Giving Blood

Giving Blood

Unknown Author

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer
at Stanford Hospital,
I got to know a little girl named Liza who was suffering from a
disease and needed a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother.
He had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the
antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked
the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw
him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and
saying, “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save Liza.”

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and
smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then
his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor
and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right
away?”

Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought
he was going to have to give her all his blood.

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---

Actual Entries on Hospital Charts

Actual Entries on Hospital Charts

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.

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Scottish Blood

Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St. Vincent Hospital for heart surgery, but
prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need
arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found
locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located
who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the
Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for
giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & U.S. dollars.



A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to
donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman
a thank-you card & a jar of candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his
kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I
thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds
& money, but you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this
the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins"._

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