Joe’s Fancy Funeral

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Joe’s Fancy Funeral

Joe was known as a stingy bastard, so when he died it quickly went around town that Joe’s will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

“Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said.

“You told me about the $30,000 in the will,” replied her friend Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “But how much did this really cost?”

“All of it,” said Helen. “Thirty thousand!”

“No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”

“The funeral was $6,500,” Helen answered. “The wake, food and drinks were another $1,000. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

Jody computed quickly. “Wait; $22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!”

Helen held up her hand: “Three and a half carats.”

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Young Living photo

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

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Our Last Wish

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Summing Up Their Lives

Three friends die in a car crash and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.

“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you before they lower you into your grave?” asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children.”

They all turn to the third guy, who looks like he’s deeply pondering.

“I would like to hear,” he says, “Wait! He’s moving!

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Young Living photo

Improve your health, Improve your wealth

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income.

Over 60.

Sell Art Online

Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can I do?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement or shed; when you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can I increase the heart rate of my 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: Where can men or women over the age of 60 find young, sexy members of the opposite sex who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore — under fiction.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you’re in front of a mirror, make sure you’re not wearing your glasses.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not the problem, retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually only in the afternoon.

Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Hey! I remember these!”

Q: What is a 60+ year old’s most frequent thought when going from one room to another?
A: “What did I come here for?”

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

Young Living photo

Improve your health, increase your wealth.

 

You Know You’re addicted to Coffee When

1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

2. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

3. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

4. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using
the timer.

5. You lick your coffeepot clean.

6. You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

7. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you
don’t even work there.

8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

9. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas.

10. You can jump-start your car without cables.

11. All your kids are named “Joe.”

12. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

13. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

14. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

15. People get dizzy just watching you.

16. When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”

17. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

18. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

19. You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.

20. Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”

21. Instant coffee takes too long.

22. When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

23. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity
in a coffee can.

24. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

25. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

26. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

27. You get drunk just so you can sober up.

28. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

29. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

30. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

31. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

32. You don’t tan, you roast.

33. You can’t even remember your second cup.

34. You introduce your spouse as your “Coffeemate.”

35. You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

 

 

Sell Art Online

You Know You live in a Small Town When

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt
road.

You used to drag “main”.

You said a cuss word and your parents knew within the hour.

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

School gets canceled for state events.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.

The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty,” but is actually
just like your town.

Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”

The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two
years later.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed
store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

Directions are given using “the” stop light as a reference.

You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.

You know what 4-H is.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask
if you need a ride.

You can charge at all the local stores.

The closest McDonald’s is 45 miles away. So is the closest mall.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

A modern day vision quest

A modern day vision quest

 

 

 

Art Prints

You Know You’re Getting Old When You can Remember

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.
*

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.
*

When there were two types of sneakers for boys.
*

When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
*

When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.
*

When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
*

When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
*

When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.
*

When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
*

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
*

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
*

When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done, everyday.
*

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,
without asking, for free, every time. And you got trading stamps to boot!
*

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the
box.
*

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry
groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
*

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a
real restaurant with your parents.
*

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed–and did!
*

When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate
that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
*

When women were called, “Mrs. John Smith,” instead of their own name.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

A journey of spiritual discovery

A journey of spiritual discovery

 

 

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You Know You live In Phoenix When

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one
out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

 

Sell Art Online

I Need a Push

I Need a Push!

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told: he gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes!” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“OK. Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here,” replies the drunk, “on the swing!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Photography Prints

Golfballs.com Custom Golf Apparel

Program for the Elderly

Program for the Elderly

Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbor, FL forwarded the following letter. It was sent to the principal’s office after the school sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to thank them:

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me.

God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine and I told her to screw off. Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna Waters

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

money photography

Make Money Doing What You Love

 

 


HerbsPro

Speaking English

Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the
truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

George Koritzer

The wisdom of our ancestors