This is an actual job application that a
17 year old boy submitted to
McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or
Vice President. But
seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
SALARY: Less than I’m
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday!
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they’re better suited
to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would
I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would
be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who
thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
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