Heard During Colonoscopy

Heard During Colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made
by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:


  • I usually don’t do this on the first date.
  • “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”
  • “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
  • “Can you hear me now?

  • “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
  • “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
  • “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
  • “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about….”
  • “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
  • “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”
  • “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
  • “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”

    And the best one of them all…

  • “Could you write a note for my wife saying that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?”

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