You Know You’ve Had Enough of the Nineties When

you tried to enter your password on the microwave.
*

…you now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
*

…you haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
*

…you have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
*

…you e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is
ready, and he e-mails you back “What’s for dinner?”
*

…your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
*

…you chat several times a day with a stranger from South
Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor
yet this year.
*

…you didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you
posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
*

…your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your
college roommate used to play.
*

…you check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.
*

…your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking
you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can
create a screen saver.
*

…you pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone
to see if anyone is home.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

money photography

 

Free Bag 3

Questions to Ponder

Questions to Ponder

If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate freeways in Hawaii?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

money photography

Make money doing what you love!

Barnes & Noble

Doctor, Doctor

Relax The Back - Tempur Pedic Mattresses

Doctor! Doctor!

Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why’s that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
*
Doctor, doctor, my hair’s coming out. Can you give me something to
keep it in?
Certainly – how about a paper bag?
*
Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
Next, please!
*
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!
*
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.
What’s come over you?
Two cars and a bus!
*
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a spoon.
Sit there and don’t stir.
*
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a billiard ball.
Get back in the queue.
*
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.
*
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there’s two of me.
One at a time, please.
*
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I’ll examine you.
I can’t. I’m not allowed on the furniture.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

best of times

The best of times

Sell Art Online

The New Hospital Wing

A panel of doctors at a local hospital who were asked to vote on
adding a new  wing. Their responses are listed below:

The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
The pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!”
The pediatricians said, “Grow up.”
The proctologists said, “We are in arrears.”
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.
The plastic surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.
The urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.
The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
And the cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
The HMOs killed it, anyway.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Goldfinch Art Photo
Goldfinch Art Photo by lifejourneysimages
View other Bird Photography at Zazzle.com

Tourists Complaints

Tourist Complaints

Since 1841, Britain’s Thomas Cook Tours has been leading travelers on new adventures. But not everyone ends up happy. There are supposedly true complaints registered with the travel agency.

1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

3. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

7. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

8. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

10. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax. “

11. “We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”

12. “No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

13. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

14. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

15. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

16. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

17. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

18. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

19. “There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

20. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

21. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

22. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

23. “My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

 

//
// <![CDATA[

// ]]>

Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian (according to Wikipedia) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

– – –

Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.

I like going to the park and watching the children run around … because they don’t know I’m using blanks. (Emo Philips) 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing … after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ … I put ‘DOCTOR’.

If I am reading this graph correctly … I’d be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat. (Will Rogers)

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. (Groucho Marx)

You’re never too old to learn …something stupid.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

Photography Prints

Clever Quotes

Photography Prints

Clever Quotes
#1

“Filthy Stinking Rich… Well, Two Out of
Three Ain’t Bad.”
*
“Real Men Don’t Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair.”
*
“I Used Up All My Sick Days… So I Called In
Dead.”
*
“Husband and Cat Lost… Reward for Cat.”
*
“Be Nice to Your Children… They’ll Pick Your Nursing
Home.”
*
“Husbands Should Come With Instructions.”
*
“Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This
Time.”
*
“I Want It All and I Want It Delivered… Now ! “
*
“Life Is Hard; Then Your Not Here.”
*
“Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the
Same.”
*
“Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk
Carton.”
*
“Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.”
*
“Learn from Your Parents’ Mistakes… Use Birth
Control.”
*
“60-Year-Old, One Owner, Needs Parts… Make
Offer.”
*
“If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them
on
My Knees.”
*
“If You Can Read This…Kiss A Teecher.”
*
“A Nest Isn’t Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the
Attic.”
*
“That’s It! I’m Calling Grandma!”
*
“Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
Up.”
*
“My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink.”
*
“I Yell Because I Care.”
*
“If You Remember the ’60s, You Weren’t Really
There.”
*
“Procrastinate Now.”
*
“Rehab Is for Quitters.”
*
“Re-Elect Nobody.”
*
(Across a drawing of a skeleton) “Waiting for the Perfect
Man.”
*
“My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse…
…. He Couldn’t do Better and I Couldn’t Do Worse.”
*
“My Dog Can Lick Anyone.”
*
“Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large
Groups.”
*
(On a baby-size shirt) “Party – My Crib – Two
A.M.”

Jokes posted regularly, follow me on Kindle.

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Young Living photo

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perception

Photography Prints

Who Wants to be a Millionaire

Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire

Sarah appeared on Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire…

Regis: “Sarah, you’ve done very well so
far – $500,000 and one
lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if
you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to
$32,000 — are you ready?”

Sarah: “Sure I’ll have a
go.”

Regis: “Which of the following birds does
not build it’s own nest?
Is it…

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

“Remember, Sarah, it’s worth 1 million
dollars.”

Sarah: “It’s a
cuckoo.”

Regis: “You’re sure? You can walk with
the $500,000 or play on for
the million.”

Sarah: “I want to play, I’ll go with C
– Cuckoo.”

Regis: “Is that your final
answer?”

Sarah: “It is.”

Regis: “Are you
confident?”

Sarah: “Absolutely!”

Regis: “Sarah…..you had $500,000 and
you said C -Cuckoo.
Well….you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here
is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler.
Audience please put your hands together for Sarah.”

That night Sarah calls her friend Carol
and they go to a local
bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne.
Carol turns to Sarah and asks, “Tell me, how did you know that it
was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?”

“It was so simple,” Sarah replied, “Everybody
knows that
cuckoos live in clocks.”

Get streams of wit and wisdom delivered to your Kindle.

Sports Quotes #2


1981 – Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when
asked what terms
Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for
in his upcoming contract negotiations: “He wants Texas
back.”


*

1966 – Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal
number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical
conditioning: “One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do
you go about getting a nose in condition for football?”
*


1981 – Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after
the
team’s co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring
running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: “I’m
going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next
time.”
*


1991 -Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans
that
a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: “But the real
tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”
*


1986 – Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss
what he thought of the refs: “I’m not allowed to comment on lousy
officiating.”
*


1991 – Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as
opposed to Sunday afternoons: “It’s basically the same, just
darker.”
*

1996 – Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not
to vote: “I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get
shot.”
*

1991 – Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at
Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son’s reaction after
he took the job with the Boilermakers: “He said: ‘Gosh, Dad, that
mean’s we’re not going to any more bowl games.”
*


1986 – LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14
children:
“They can’t fire me because my family buys too many
tickets.”
*


1991 – Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I
told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said,
“Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
*


1991 – Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”
*


1987 – Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me
like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Follow me on Kindle, for your weekly chuckles.

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Sports Quotes

Photography Prints

 

Sports Quotes

“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes.”
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
*
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like
Norman Einstein.”
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996

 

*
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.”
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
*
“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
*

“I play football. I’m not trying to be a
professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your
brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.”
Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman
because of academic requirements:
*
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?
He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”
*
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps
a
color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how
to spell my name, I can still find my #%@# clothes.”
*
Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we
went to.”
*
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: “I’ve won at every
level, except college and pro.”
*

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in
the morning regardless of what time it is.”
*
1992- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s
7-27 record: “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general
manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.”
*

1982 – Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining
to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My
sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or
an aunt.”

Follow me on Kindle for your chuckles.

 

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health,increase your wealth

Improve your health,increase your wealth

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?