My Dog

It just hit me:

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him.

He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For all this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than
he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess,
someone else cleans it up for him.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me:

My dog is a politician!

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Help Wanted

Help Wanted

While strolling past a pet shop, a cat notices a sign in the window: Help Wanted. Knowing himself to be no ordinary feline, he saunters into the shop and calls out “Hello! I’d like to apply for the job.”

The owner of the pet shop is very amused at the idea of a talking
cat, and she wants to hear more, so she plays along, saying “Oh, I’m
sorry, but this is a clerical job. We need someone who can type and
file.”

The cat hastens over to the office typewriter and, quick as a wink,
he pounds out something about a quick brown fox and a lazy dog until he
has filled a page. He grabs a stack of papers , alphabetizes them by
subject matter, and puts them away in the file cabinet in less time than
one would expect of a critter who lacks opposable thumbs.

The owner is charmed, but figures she can’t possibly hire a cat, so
she thinks of another excuse. “You type very nicely, and your filing is
flawless, but this job demands computer literacy.”

The cat immediately takes his place in front of the computer and,
mouse in paw, cruises the Web, gathering useful information about
increasing the profitability of pet shops.

The owner is stunned. She has got to think of a tactful way to tell this cat that she isn’t going to give him a job.

“Well, you’re an amazing cat indeed. You type, you file, and you’re a
computer whiz. But we really, really must have someone who is
bilingual.”

The cat stares imploringly into the owner’s eyes and says “Woof!

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

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The Donkey in the Well

The Donkey in the Well

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well that the farmer had accidentally left uncovered. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, so it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone . We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Now, most people think that’s the end, but it isn’t.

The donkey later came back and bit the hell out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

So the real moral from today’s lesson?

When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

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Learn more about Native Remedies

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

schoolhouse

Washing the Dog

Washing the Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop”grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and ifyou wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even killhim.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to thecounter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him outof washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dogdied but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on yourdog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle!”

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The Football Game

The Football Game

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note betweenthe big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushinglittle animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech torally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The firstplay, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhinowas stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

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No More Animal Testing

No More Animal Testing!

The National Institutes of Health has announced that they will no longer be using lab rats for medical experimentation, since they’ve found a better substitute.

After exhaustive research , researchers have found that lawyers make better experimental subjects.

The top four advantages are:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.

2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys, as sometimes happens with rats.

3. “Animal rights” activists agreed to stop their protests if labs switched.

4. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats just won’t do.

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The Parrot

The Parrot


So there’s this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT !”.
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, “OK for you”, and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.For the first few seconds , there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he  opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says: “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”
The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, “By the way, what did the chicken do?”

Get your chuckles on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

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The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

 

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The Talking Parrots

Talking Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquires.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun ?'”

“That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responds. 

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

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The Dead dog

The Dog

A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.

Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog.

The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a “meow”, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”

Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”

“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.

“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.

“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”

Gary is a  writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.


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The Wife’s Snails

The Wife’s Snails

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door,down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails,he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me.” He went back to gathering the snails. All of the sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right ove rhim. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.

They ended up spending the night together. At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no! My wife’s dinner party!” He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then,with his very angry wife standing in the doorway, wondering where he’s been all this time . He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails, and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”

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