Job Application

Job Application

This is an actual job application that a
17 year old boy submitted to
McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest
and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or
Vice President. But
seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m
worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It
sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday!

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they’re better suited
to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would
I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT
YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would
be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who
thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be
doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.


Body Jewelry by Body Candy

The Job Interview

The Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the
Human
Resources Person asked a young Engineer
fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were
you looking for?”



The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000

a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a

package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full
medical and dental, a company matching retirement
fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car
leased every 2 years — say, a
red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you
kidding?”

And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Get your chuckles on Kindle.


How Job Applicants Speak, and What They Really Mean

How Job Applicants Speak, and What They
Really Mean

 “I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
SITUATIONS,”
Really means: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take
lots of coffee breaks.

“I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON
MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS,”
Really means: I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.

“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER
OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION,”
Really means: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE,”
Really means: I pilfer office supplies.

“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
INCLUDES,”
Really means: I hope you don’t ask me about all the
McJobs I’ve had.

“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK,”
Really means: I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’M PERSONABLE,”
Really means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.

“I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE,”
Really means: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is
better.

“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL,”
Really means: I carry a Franklin Planner.

“MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH
YOUR REQUIREMENTS,”
Really means: You’re probably looking for someone more
experienced.

“I AM ADAPTABLE,”
Really means: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED,”
Really means: The minute I find a better job. I’m outta
there.

“I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING,”
Really means: I’m a college dropout.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
CONSIDERATION,”
Really means: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

“I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM
YOU SOON,”
Really means: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for
your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

Gary’s EBooks

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.



Real Writing Jobs

<!–RADEDITORSAVEDTAG_NOSCRIPT>Amazon.com Widgets</NOSCRIPT–>

The Excuse

 

The Excuse


Jones came into the office an hour late for
the third time in

one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the
story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a
good excuse for a change.”



Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.
The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in
ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than
let you down, I swam across the river — look, my suit’s still
damp — ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s
helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was
carried here piggyback by one of the
Rockettes.”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss,

obviously disappointed. “No woman can get ready in ten
minutes.”

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

Match.com

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

swimming

A short story depicting adventures in the out back of Australia

Art Prints

Difference Between Work and Prison

Difference Between Prison and
Work

IN PRISON… you spend the majority of your
time in an 8X10 cell;
AT WORK… you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8
cubicle.

IN PRISON… you get three meals a day;
AT WORK… you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for
it.

IN PRISON… you get time off for good
behavior;
AT WORK…you get rewarded for good behavior with more
work.

IN PRISON… the guard locks and unlocks
all the doors for you;
AT WORK… you must carry around a security card and open all the doors
for
yourself.

IN PRISON… you can watch TV and play
games;
AT WORK… you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON… they allow your family and
friends to visit;
AT WORK… you can’t even speak to your family.

IN PRISON… all expenses are paid by
the tax-payers with no work required;
AT WORK… you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON… you must deal with sadistic
wardens;
AT WORK…they are called managers.

IN PRISON… you spend most of your life
looking through bars from inside
wanting to get out.
AT WORK… you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside
bars.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

J&R Computer/Music World

<!–RADEDITORSAVEDTAG_NOSCRIPT>Amazon.com Widgets</NOSCRIPT–>

Cover Letters

 

Cover Letters

The following quotations were taken from
cover letters
from all over the country. With all the work and care that goes into
writing these documents, it’s funny, if unfortunate, when errors slip
through to the final draft. Alas, such mistakes make exactly the
wrong impression on exactly the wrong
people.

 

 


“Thank you for your consideration.
Hope to hear from you shorty!”

“Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.”

“I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching
halt.”

“Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of
date.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with
people.”

“Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down
some.
If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.”

“If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return
it in the enclosed envelope.”

“You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding
candidate!”

“I am sicking and entry-level position.”

“Here are my qualifications for you to
overlook.”

“I am a quick leaner, dependable, and
motivated.”

“I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a
puppy.”

“Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the
others to heat your house.”

“I don’t usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right
ahead and do so.”

“I need just enough money to have pizza every
night.”

My compensation should be at least equal to my
age.”

“I’m submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and
HTML experience.”

“My primary goal is to be recognized.”

“Below are the top 10 reasons to hire
me.”

“My salary requirement is $34 per year.”

“I’ll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock
options and ideally a European sedan.”

“I am superior to anyone else you could
hire.”

“I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I
live.”

“Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no
actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging.
However…”

“I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern
those considering me for employment.”

“I worked here full-time there.”

“I’ll starve without a job but don’t feel you have to give me
one.”

“You are privileged to receive my resume.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Monthly Coupon Offer 5

schoolhouse

Why are we here?

 

The Balloonist

Photography Prints

 

The Balloonist


A man is flying in a hot air balloon and
realizes he is lost. He reduces

height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would
meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.

The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering
approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42
degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West
longitude.”

You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.


I am” replies the man. “How did you know?”


Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is
technically

correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the
fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says “You must be a manager.”


I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you
know?”


Well”, says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you are

going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you

expect me to solve your problem.” The final fact is you are in the exact
same
position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my
fault.”

Find your way home!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors

 

Fire Academy Class

Fire Academy Class

True story, from the “S-133” class (Class title: “Look up, Look
Down, Look All Around” and yes, that’s the real name of the course) at
the Sacramento Mountains Wildfire Academy.

My buddy Norm, a veteran paramedic and firefighter, sends this report from his fire academy class:

Toward the end of the class today the instructor, a 35-year
veteran of the U.S. Forest Service as a hotshot and other wild land fire
suppression efforts, said, “I don’t know how you structural firefighters
do what you do. As a wild land firefighter I wouldn’t have the first
clue how to fight a structure fire.”

To which one of the volunteer structural firefighters responded, “We
don’t call you guys to help with a house fire because your first action
would be to start a backfire in the living room.”

It stopped the instructor in his tracks and brought the room down. It was almost two full minutes before we could resume class.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Essential Air LLC - 120x90 animated

Sell Art Online

McDonalds Job Application

Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida… and they hired him
because he was so honest and funny !

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY : $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we
can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS : 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a
more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
“Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m
the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

 

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

 

 

Art Prints

My First Job

My first job

 was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it,so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it.Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.

So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt

Art Prints