Court Transcripts

Photography Prints

More Real Court Transcripts

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

—–

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

—–

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

—–

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

—–

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

—–

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

—–

JUDGE: “The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant, sir?”

DEFENDANT: “No, sir, I’m the guy who stole the chickens.”

—–

Last, Responses to Interrogatories answered by the wife in divorce case:

52. Do you have a proposal to settle this case amicably?

ANSWER: Yes.

53. Assuming your answer to the preceding interrogatory is in the affirmative, please state such a proposal.

ANSWER: Use a silver bullet or a wooden stake as is appropriate in these cases.

You will hear with these.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

Witness for the Prosecution

Witness for the Prosecution

In a trial in a small North Carolina town, a prosecuting attorney
called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she
would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help
her God.

She says “I do.”

She was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type, well-spoken and poised.

The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known
you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and
talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big
shot when you haven’t the sense to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you
quite well.”

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn’t even think for a few moments.
Then, he slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors’
faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not
knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, big-mouthed and has a bad drinking
problem. The man can’t build or keep a normal relationship with anyone,
and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know
him.”

The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered
throughout the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called
both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, “If either
of you crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, you’ll be thrown in
jail for contempt. Is that clear?”

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You Can’t take it with you

 

You Can’t Take it With You II

A lawyer is on his deathbed. He calls his three associates in and
says, “They say you can’t take it with you, but I plan to. In each of
these cases is a million dollars in cash. Just after they lower my
casket I want you to each throw it in with me.”


The men are all silent.

“I know I can trust you…” the dying man says.

They all three give their solemn promise.

The next week, leaving the funeral, one says to the other two, “I
have to get this off my chest. I lost a lot in the market last year and I
really needed the money. I took out half of the million dollars.”

The second lawyer says, “Oh, God, me too. After my divorce I’ve been struggling to catch up. I only threw in $250,000.”


The third attorney looks at the other two with a shocked expression.
“I can’t believe you two! I enclosed a check for the entire amount!”

 

You Can’t Take it With You

 

You Can’t Take it With You II

A lawyer is on his deathbed. He calls his three associates in and
says, “They say you can’t take it with you, but I plan to. In each of
these cases is a million dollars in cash. Just after they lower my
casket I want you to each throw it in with me.”

The men are all silent.

“I know I can trust you…” the dying man says.

They all three give their solemn promise.

The next week, leaving the funeral, one says to the other two, “I
have to get this off my chest. I lost a lot in the market last year and I
really needed the money. I took out half of the million dollars.”

The second lawyer says, “Oh, God, me too. After my divorce I’ve been struggling to catch up. I only threw in $250,000.”


The third attorney looks at the other two with a shocked expression.
“I can’t believe you two! I enclosed a check for the entire amount!”

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Learn more about Native Remedies

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

 

Art Prints

The Dead Skunk and the Lawyer

Happiness Posters
Happiness Posters by lifejourneysimages
Look at Happiness Posters online at Zazzle.com

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead
lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

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Funny sayings


120x60 St. Patrick's Day

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

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Clever Lawyer

Clever Lawyer?

In a court room in rural Oklahoma where a person is on trial for
murder, there is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no
corpse, which would really seal his fate.

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his
client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted,
resorts to a clever trick.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,”
the shyster says as he looks at his watch. “Within 1 minute, the person
presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom, proving my
client’s innocence!” He turns and looks toward the courtroom door. The
jury, somewhat stunned, follow his eyes and look too. A minute passes,
but nothing happens.

Finally the lawyer says: “Actually, I made up the previous statement.
But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you
that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was
killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury, still looking suspicious, retires to deliberate.

But only a few minutes later, the jury returns and the foreman utters their verdict: guilty!

“But how?” inquires the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”

“Yes, we looked,” admitted the foreman. “But we noticed your client didn’t.”

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Novelty Golf Balls Now Available From golfballs.com!

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors

Art Prints

The Lawyer and the Funeral

A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway
show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.

 When the
exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of
the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a
valuable commodity was unused.

 The lawyer replied that his wife
couldn’t make it. The woman asked him if he didn’t have relatives or
friends who could have used the seat. He replied, “Oh, they’re all at
the funeral.”


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

The informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

The Trucker and the Lawyer

The Trucker and The Lawyer

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked
down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the
road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud “thud”, and then
he would swerve back on the road.

As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking,
he pulled over and asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”

The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

“I’ll give you a lift.”

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver
continued down the road . Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking
down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute,
he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the
road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud
“thud.” Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors.
When he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m
sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer.”

The priest replied, “That’s OK, I got him with the door.”

Huge Selection of Watches 125 x 125 v2

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

Short Lawyer Jokes

Short Lawyer Jokes

No, not jokes about short lawyers, but short jokes about lawyers.

A Bar Association charter flight was hijacked by terrorists. When the terrorists made their press release, they said that, until their demands were met, they would release one lawyer per hour.

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time,until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he had had enough. The bartender said, “I’ve got to ask you: what’s with the pocket business?” The man replied, “I have my lawyer’s picture in there.When he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough.”

Lawyer: someone who makes sure that he gets what’s coming to you.

An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked what”contingency” was, the lawyer replied, “If I don’t win your lawsuit, I don’t get anything. If I do win your lawsuit, then you don’t get anything.”

Q: What do you call parachuting lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than regular folks?
A: Because deep down, they’re really nice people.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and vultures?
A: Vultures can’t take their wing tips off.
A: The vulture eventually lets go.

Q: How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: “Good morning, your honor.”

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

Q: Why should lawyers always be buried face down?
A: If they wake up, they’ll start digging.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: A leech will drop off when its victim dies.

and…

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are documented case histories.


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

Sell Art Online

No More Animal Testing

No More Animal Testing!

The National Institutes of Health has announced that they will no longer be using lab rats for medical experimentation, since they’ve found a better substitute.

After exhaustive research , researchers have found that lawyers make better experimental subjects.

The top four advantages are:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.

2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys, as sometimes happens with rats.

3. “Animal rights” activists agreed to stop their protests if labs switched.

4. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats just won’t do.

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