The Old Man and the Moped

A hip young man goes out and buys the best
car available: a 1998
Turbo Best Car. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and
it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for
a spin and, while doing so,
stops for a red light.

 

An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old)
pulls up
next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the
car and asks, “What kind of car ya
got there, sonny?”

The young man replies “A 1998 Turbo Best
Car. They cost $500,000.”

“That’s a lot of money!”
says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost
so much?”

“Because this car can do
up to 320 miles an hour!” states the cool dude
proudly.

The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look
inside?”

“Sure”, replies the owner.

So, the old man pokes his
head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the
old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”

Just then, the light changes, so the guy
decides to show the old man what
his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads
320
mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly,
whhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much
faster!”

” What on earth could be going faster than
my Turbo Best Car? ” The young
man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward
him.


Whoosh! It goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on
the
moped!
“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Turbo
Best Car?”

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view
mirror!

Whooosshka-blam! It plows into the back of
his car, demolishing the rear
end. The young man jumps out, and WOW, IT IS the old man! Of course,
the moped
and the old man are hurting for certain.

He runs up to the dying old man and says,
“You’re hurt bad!
Is there anything I can do for
you?”

The old man groans and replies “Yes. Unhook
my suspenders from your
side-view mirror!”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

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A modern day vision quest

A modern day vision quest

Join me in a journey of self discovery and enlightenment. Journey to the outback of Australia and learn the ways of the ancient aborigines

Bill Gates Vs. General Motors

Bill Gates vs General
Motors

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill
Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up
with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the
gallon.”


In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press
release
stating: ” If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics:

For no reason whatsoever, the car would crash twice a day.
*
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
buy
a new car.
*
Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
*
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.
*
Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
“Car95″ or CarNT”. But then you would have to buy more
seats.
*
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable,
five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but you would only run
on five percent of the roads.
*
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be
replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.
*
New seats would force everyone to have to have the same size
butt.
*
The airbag system would say, “Are you sure?” before
deploying.
*
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio
antenna.
*
GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither
need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more.
Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice
Department.
*
Every time GM introduced a new model, car drivers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
*
You would press the “Start” button to shut off the
engine.

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A Man in Need

A lady taxi driver got a call to pick up a man in need of a ride
from the local hardware store. Three or four miles down the road from the store, the taxi got a flat tire.

The lady driver got out of the car and was banging on the hub cap with a hammer trying to get it off.

She was cursing and carrying on, but the hub cap wouldn’t move.

The passenger rolled down the window and said to her, “Hey! You want a screw driver?” The lady driver threw the hammer across the street and said , “We may as well. I’m never going to get this tire changed !!!”

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The Brake Job

The Brake Job

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental
Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving
down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car
failed.

The car careered almost out of control down the road, bouncing
off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping
along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a
problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no
brakes. What were they to do?

“I know”, said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting,
propose a Vision , formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and
by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical
Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no”, said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long,
and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army
knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking
system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”

“Well”, said the Software Engineer, “before we do anything, I think
we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Funny? follow me on Kindle

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

 

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

 

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

Your comments appreciated

Safety Tips

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The Speeding Ticket

The Speeding Ticket

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the interstate
at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind
him.

“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and sped up
even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, “What the heck am
I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it
and the car. “It’s been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it’s
Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give
me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a
cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Gary is a  writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.


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Riding in a Yugo

Riding in a Yugo

A small boy was walking alongside the road when a car pulled up along side. The driver leaned out and said,” If you get in my car, I’ll give you a bag of sweets.”
The boy ignored him.

“OK,” said the driver,”If you get in my car ,I’ll give you two bags of sweets.”
Still the boy ignored him.
“Listen,” persisted the driver, “If you get in my car, I’ll give you all the sweets you want  and ten dollars.”
The boy turned to the driver and said, ” Look dad, for the last time, I’m not getting in that Yugo.”

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Safety Tips