This and That

Of This And
That

Dad: Son, what do you want for your
birthday?
Son: Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it.
*

The girl asked her lover, “Darling, if we get engaged will you
give me a ring?”
“Sure, ” replied her lover “What’s your phone number?”
*

Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?
Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby!
Young Man: I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were pregnant.
*

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the
back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back – he thinks he is
sexy.
*

A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, “I heard you died.” “But
you
see I’m alive ,” smiled the friend. “Impossible,” said the psychiatrist.
“The man who told me is much more reliable than you.”
*

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
“Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?” “Yes, of course,”
said the doctor, “why not!”
“Oh! How nice it would be ,” said the patient with joy, “I have been
illiterate for so long.”
*

“I have a bad headache. I’ll visit the doctor.”
“Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a
big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don’t you try it?”
“Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I’ll be right
over.”
*

Court scene:
1st Lawyer: You’re a fool
2nd Lawyer: And you’re a damn fool.
Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can
we now proceed with the case.

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alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

Go Figure

Go Figure!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train
station is where
a train stops. On my desk I have a work station. GO
FIGURE!
*
If Fedex and UPS were to merge, would they call it
FedUP
*
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
*
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
*
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald
men?
*
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans.
*
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me–they
were cramming for their finals.
*
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little
tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.
Toothpicks?
*
Why do they put up pictures of criminals in the post office?
What are we supposed to do, write to these men? Why don’t
they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the
mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
mail?

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Definitions

Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at
both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
*
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and
dye.
*
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with
people.
*
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are
born and after they are dead.
*
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes
hours.
*
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
*
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in
conversation.
*
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth
will do more damage.
*
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
*
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the
paper.
*
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies
better.
*
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
*
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a
time.
*
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to
extraction.
*
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving
devices of today.
*
YAWN: An honest Opinion openly
expressed.
*
WRINKLES: Something other people have.
You have character lines.

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Aikin’s One Liners

Aiken’s One
Liners

“Never invite trouble – it will accept the
invitation every time.”
*

“The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let
the cow eat it, and then eat the cow.”
*

“It doesn’t take long for a person with push to pass a person
with pull.”
*

“Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age
looks tired.”
*

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you
cannot do.”

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Random Thoughts

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Random Thoughts

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm.

My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help “groups”?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Brad Paisley : Moonshine in the Trunk

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com


You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Driving on the Freeway

Sarah on the
Freeway

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding
car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that Sarah, behind the
wheel, was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his
flashing lights and siren, the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
“PULL OVER!”

“NO,” Sarah yelled back, “IT’S A
SCARF!”

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The Wealthy Man

The Wealthy Man

One day, a wealthy family man took his son
on a trip to
the country so he could have his son see how poor
country people were. They stayed one day and one night
at the farm of a very humble farm family.

When they got back home the father asked the son, “What
did you think of the trip”? The son replied, “Very nice Dad.”
Dad said, “Did you notice how poor they were?” “Yes”.
“So, what did you learn from this trip?”

“I’ve learned that we have one dog in the house, and they
had four. We have a fountain and imported lamps in our
garden, they have a stream with no end and the stars in
the sky. Our garden goes to the edge of our property, they
have the entire horizon as their back yard.”

At the end of the son’s reply the father was speechless
and then his son said, “Thank you Dad, for showing me
how poor we really are.”

Have a steady stream of wit and wisdom delivered to you Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

Four People

Four People

This is a story about four people: Everybody,
Somebody, Anybody,
and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked
to do it.

Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have
done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually
Nobody asked Anybody.

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Wish I’d Said That Part 2

 

Wish I’d Said That – Part 2

“Democracy is a device that insures we shall
be governed
no better than we deserve.”
— George Bernard Shaw

 

 

“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that
man never worshiped anything but himself.”
— Sir Richard F. Burton

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to
tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.”
— Samuel Goldwyn

“Crime does not pay… as well as politics.”
— Alfred E. Newman

“Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the
least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough
to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?”
— La Rochefoucauld


“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
— Jonathan Swift

American Freemasons

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can
prove that you don’t need it.”
— Bob Hope

“I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.”
— Jo Ramos

Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in both hard copy and Ebook format.

Wish I’d Said That

 

Wish I’d Said
That

We the unwilling, working for the ungrateful,
are doing
the impossible. We have done so much, for so long,
with so little, we are now qualified to do anything
with nothing

 

You spend your whole life believing that you’re on the
right track, only to discover that you’re on the wrong train.

I know they say love is blind, but does it also have to
be deaf, dumb, and stupid ?

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can
not change, the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to
kill because they ticked me off.

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the
answer but wish we didn’t.” — Erica Jong

The Celestine Phrophecy

“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any
problem, it is generally employed only by small
children and large nations.”
— David Friedman

“He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the
next exit.”
— Unknown

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to
complain.”
— Lily Tomlin

Art Prints

“Too bad the only people who know how to run the country
are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.”
— George Burns

The best place for jokes, follow me on Kindle.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to overcomplicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in hard copy and Ebook format

Your comments appreciated