Tips for a Happy Marriage

Photography Prints

Tips for a Happy Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I
go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the
kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was
water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me “In the
Lake.”

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said “No, jump in!”

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

13. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. She told me never to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked “What’s on the TV?” And I said “Dust!”

Urban Legends

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

Rules of Romance

Keep your beer cold photo
Keep your beer cold photo by lifejourneysimages
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Rules of
Romance

In the world of romance, one single rule
applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she
expects…Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the
point system.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed…………………………………………..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………………..-1
You leave the toilet seat up………………………………..-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty………………0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…….-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
wings..+5
But return with beer………………………………………-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night …………………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing……………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something………..+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………………..+10
It’s her
father……………………………………….-10

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party…..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave
to chat with a college drinking buddy….-2
Named Tiffany……………….-4
Tiffany is a dancer………….-6
Tiffany has implants…………-8

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner…………………………….0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar……………………………..-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night………………………..-3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite
team………………-10

A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal …………………………………..-5
And the pal is happily married ……………………….-4
Or frighteningly single ……………………………..-7
And he drives a Mustang……………………………..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)
…………-15

A Night Out
You take her to a movie…………………………………..+2
You take her to a movie she likes………………………….+4
You take her to a movie you hate………………………….+6
You take her to a movie you like…………………………..-2
It’s called DeathCop 3……………………………………-3
Which features cyborgs having sex………………………….-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
………-15

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly………………………….-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it….+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts …………………………………-30
You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one
too”………-800

The Big Question
She asks, “Do I look fat?” ……………………………….-5
You hesitate in responding……………………………….-10
You reply,
“Where?”………………………………………-35

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression…………………………..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……….+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen
asleep……………-20

The book of Awakening


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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

His and Her ATM Machines

His and Hers ATM
Machines

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away

HERS

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer

3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.

9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.

11. Hit “cancel”
12. Reenter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse
checks

18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop

28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup
37. Put car in
reverse

38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine

40. Drive 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

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A Point of Honor

A Point of Honor

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment, beaten and roughed up.

When his wife sees him she asks, “What in the world happened to you?”

“I got into a fight with the apartment manager!”

“Whatever for?” she asked. “I’ve never known you to fight before!”

“It was a point of honor,” he said.

“What do you mean,” she asked.

“He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!”

“I can see why you’d be upset at that,” she said as she starting applying cold compresses to his wounds.

“I should hope so!” he said, wincing.

“I’ll bet,” she said, thinking the idea through, “that it’s that snooty Mrs. Green on the third floor!”

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

thinking

America is in serious trouble, many no longer realize what values and principles our country is founded on and have strayed from the common sense and creative thinking of our ancestors, how can we fix it?

Art Prints

The Ham Sandwich

The Ham
Sandwich

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.
A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun,
crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The
corners of my jaw ached in anticipation. I carried it to the picnic table
in
our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife
suddenly at my side. “Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my
sandwich,” she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching
again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my
fingers.
I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not
mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time
I
have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I
did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my
tongue.

Later my wife said, “Now you know why they call that mustard
‘Poupon.'”

Have a regular supply of wit and wisdom delivered to your Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into
his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other!

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: It’s my fault.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

So why did I write this? Well, my significant other, not happy with
my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to monitor my moods. When I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m
in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he’ll buy me diamonds.

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Hold Me

 

Hold Me

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and
women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars &
Venus thing.

And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “What?!

So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet
dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her Emotional Needs
As A Woman.

I’m thinking, “What was her first clue?” I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

Photography Prints

The very next day we went shopping at a big department store. I
walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to
which I say, “OK.” And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a
set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you …she was so excited! She
must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t
think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis
bracelet because she doesn’t even play tennis. I think I threw her for a
loop when I told her that it was OK too.

Universal Pet Carrier

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have
seen her face when she said, “I’m ready to go, let’s go to the cash
register.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No, honey.
I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her
face — it went completely blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just
want you to hold this stuff for a while.” Just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me, I added, “You must not be in tune
with My Financial Needs As A Man.”


I figure that I might be having sex again sometime next year. But it was worth it.
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reality

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions

The Shoe Box

Photography Prints

 

The Shoe Box

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other — except that the little old woman had a
shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time
that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found
two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000!

He asked her about the contents.

“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I
ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears: Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving!

He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the
doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?

“Oh,” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

The Hiram  Key : Freemasonry and Pharaohs.

 


PatentHEALTH

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

masonic

Throughout man’s long history on earth,there has been one group of people who have carried the torch of liberty and freedom throughout the ages , from time immemorial until the present day. In these days their counsel is need more than ever.

The Partners

A very successful businessman had a meeting
with his new
son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you
into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we
care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business.
All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn
the operations.”


The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t
stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work
in the office and take charge of some of the
operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand
being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you
half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t
like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going
to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

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Grounds for Divorce

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Grounds for Divorce

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me, but I
have no idea what he’s talking about.”

Finding the Purpose of your life.

I joke a lot on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.