Really Bad Puns


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a fire
in the craft it sank – proving once and for all that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it, too.

*
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
*
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles
up
to the bar and announces “I’m looking for the man who shot my
paw.”
*
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in
his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says,
“I’ll just have the eggs Benedict.” His order comes a while later and
it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the
hubcap?” The waiter sings, “Oh, there’s no plate like chrome for the
hollandaise!”
*
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain
during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.
*
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
*
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and
would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon,
as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to
find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly,he threw
together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The
doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and
exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!” “No, I’m sorry,” replied
the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”
*
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something
to
eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on
the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle
knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
*
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in
ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied and applied what he has learned to solving the many issues facing not only the United States, but the world as well.
Common Sense solutions to complex problems.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, please check his website.http://www.commonsensejourneys.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

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