Sayings that should be on buttons

Sayings That Should Be on
Buttons

Well, this day was a total waste of
makeup.
*
Make yourself at Home! Clean my kitchen.
*
Who are these kids and why are they calling me
Mom?
*
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever
after.
*
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent
lighting.
*
I started out with nothing and still have most of it
left.
*
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
*
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
*
You! Off my planet
*
Bottomless pit of needs and wants.
*
Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that
way.
*
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
*
Errors have been made. Others will be
blamed.
*
If only you’d used your powers for good instead of
evil.
*
Allow me to introduce my selves.
*
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
*
Better living through denial.
*
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets
after them.
*
I’m just working here until a food fast-food job opens
up.
*
I’m trying to imagine you with a
personality.
*
I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil
one.
*
Don’t worry. I forgot your name too!
*
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
*
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
*
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
*
Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside
the earth.
*
Earth is full. Go home.
*
I thought I wanted a career . . . turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
*
How do I set a laser printer to stun?

A chuckle for you on your Kindle.

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