Stupid Resume Tricks
Things people actually put on their resumés (or cover letters). I weep for all mankind.
- I am very detail-oreinted.
- My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
- Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
- Strengths: Impersonal skills.
- It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
- If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
- I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
- Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed
down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another
- Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of date.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
- Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
- I am a rabid typist.
- I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
- Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
- I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
- Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
- Special skills: Thyping.
- My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
- Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not
including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan,
health insurance, personal or sick days.
- Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
- Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
- Previous rank: Senior instigator.
- I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
- Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
- Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
Get your chuckles on a regular basis, follow me on Kindle.
1,000 Places to see Before You Die
Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com
Your comments appreciated
In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?