Husband 1.0


Husband 1.0

Dear Tech
support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected
changes to the accounting software, severely limiting
access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications
that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention
of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable
programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and
OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such
as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and
ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs,
and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances
will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning
2.6.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but
this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can

you help please?!?!

Jane

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but
is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
was designed by its creator to run as few applications as
possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return
to Boyfriend 5.0 , because Husband 1.0 is not designed
to do this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed.

Any new program files can only be installed once per year,
as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages
are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation
to play some of their “old time” favorite applications, or
to get new applications to work, some women have tried to
install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women
end up with more problems than encountered with Husband
1.0.


Look in your manual under “Warnings: Divorce/Child Support”.
You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and
comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.

I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks
of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0
installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This
is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed
by the parent company as an integral part of the operating
system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults
and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this
great feature enter the command “C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME”
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering
the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications
Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU
may have to give a C:\>I APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause
Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet,
Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to
create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are
very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following
this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the
blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can
only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience
10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help
keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.


After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar
and you will find many valuable embedded features such as
FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend
7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances,
install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application,
and will cause selective shut down of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have
helped.

Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at
Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We
trust you will learn to fully enjoy this
product!”

Enjoy chuckles three times a week on Kindle.


Mr. Beer - Makes a great gift!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s