How Job Applicants Speak, and What They
“I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
Really means: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take
lots of coffee breaks.
“I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON
MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
Really means: I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.
“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER
OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION,”
Really means: I’ve used Microsoft Office.
“I’M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE,”
Really means: I pilfer office supplies.
“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
Really means: I hope you don’t ask me about all the
McJobs I’ve had.
“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK,”
Really means: I blame others for my mistakes.
Really means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
“I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE,”
Really means: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is
“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL,”
Really means: I carry a Franklin Planner.
“MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH
Really means: You’re probably looking for someone more
“I AM ADAPTABLE,”
Really means: I’ve changed jobs a lot.
“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED,”
Really means: The minute I find a better job. I’m outta
“I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING,”
Really means: I’m a college dropout.
“THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
Really means: Wait! Don’t throw me away!
“I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM
Really means: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for
your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
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