How Job Applicants Speak, and What They Really Mean

How Job Applicants Speak, and What They
Really Mean

 “I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
SITUATIONS,”
Really means: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take
lots of coffee breaks.

“I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON
MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS,”
Really means: I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.

“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER
OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION,”
Really means: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE,”
Really means: I pilfer office supplies.

“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
INCLUDES,”
Really means: I hope you don’t ask me about all the
McJobs I’ve had.

“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK,”
Really means: I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’M PERSONABLE,”
Really means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.

“I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE,”
Really means: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is
better.

“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL,”
Really means: I carry a Franklin Planner.

“MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH
YOUR REQUIREMENTS,”
Really means: You’re probably looking for someone more
experienced.

“I AM ADAPTABLE,”
Really means: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED,”
Really means: The minute I find a better job. I’m outta
there.

“I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING,”
Really means: I’m a college dropout.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
CONSIDERATION,”
Really means: Wait! Don’t throw me away!

“I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM
YOU SOON,”
Really means: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath waiting for
your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

Gary’s EBooks

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.



Real Writing Jobs

<!–RADEDITORSAVEDTAG_NOSCRIPT>Amazon.com Widgets</NOSCRIPT–>

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s