The Boy on The Bicycle

The Boy on the Bicycle

It’s the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.

The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, “Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?”

The youngster responds, proudly, “Ya, Santa brought it for me.”

The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicycle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, “Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it.”

Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, “And did Santa bring you that horse?”

Humoring the youngster, the policeman answers, “Why, yes, he did.”

To which Johnny responds, “Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top.”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida . He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

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The Popcorn Factory

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My First Job

My first job

 was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it,so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it.Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.

So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt

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Things His Wife Doesn’t use Anymore

 

Things His Wife Doesn’t Use Anymore

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip , and was horrified to
find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped
her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this
all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and
tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and
fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t
wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that
new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t
suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that
you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house,
she paused and asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t
use anymore?’ “And so, here we are!”

The Hemingses of MONTICELLO

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors

Photography Prints

The Blond Millionaire

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

 Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars ifyou get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to$32,000 — are you ready?”

Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”

Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?

Is it……..

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.”

“I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%…

No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”

Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be aMillionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on$500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”

Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush”

Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”

Barbara: “You think?”

Maggie: “I’m sure.”

Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)

Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”

Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”

Regis: “Is that your final answer?”

Barbara: “It is.”

Regis: “Are you confident?”

Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”

Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a localbar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne,Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name didyou know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock .”

Gary’s E Books.

Funny? follow me on Kindle.

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Grandpa’s 100th Birthday

Grandpa Was Celebrating His 100th Birthday

and everybody complimented
him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I
have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his
rigorous fitness regime.

“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding
night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who
was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.
 

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World Wide Gourmet Foods, Inc

The Duck and the Grapes

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no everytime that we don’t have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!”

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

TomTom GPS Navigation

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

best of times

A narrative about what life in The United States was in our golden era, and how it became what it is, and offering solutions to enable us to once again travel the path to freedom and self reliance

 

Photography Prints

Presidents of the United States

The last four U.S. Presidents

 are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off
they spin to the Land of OZ . After threatening trials and
tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before
the Great Wizard.

“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I had a terrible time with Iran, so
I’ve come for some courage.”


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“No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?” Barack Obama steps
forward, “Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.” “Done” says the
Wizard.

“Who comes next before the Great Wizard?” Up steps George Bush sadly,
“I’m told by
the American people that I need a heart.”

“I’ve heard it’s true” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”

Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there,
looking around, but doesn’t say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD
CITY!?”

And Bill replies – “Is Dorothy around?”

The Sailor’s Friends

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

“Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded.

“No !” his weeping wife replied.

“Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked.

“NO !!!” she said even more upset.

“Well which one of my no good friends did this then?” he asked.

“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she snapped.

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida . He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

Bake Me  A Wish, gourmet birthday cakes, cake delivery

The Psychologist and the Embarressed Man

The Psychologist

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?”

In a strident voice, she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me!”

The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortably aware that every pair of eyes in the place had turned to his direction. He mumbled, “I just asked for the time , miss.”

In an even louder voice, the woman shrieked, “I WILL CALL THE POLICE IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD!”

Grabbing his drink and embarrassed very nearly to death, the man hastened to the far end of the room and huddled at a table, holding his breath and wondering how soon he could sneak out the door.

Not more than half a minute later, the woman joined him. In a quiet voice, she said, “I’m terribly sorry to have embarrassed you, but I am a psychologist and I am studying the reaction of human beings to shocking statements.”

The man stared at her for five seconds, then he leaned back and bellowed, “YOU’D DO ALL THAT FOR ME ALL NIGHT LONG FOR JUST TWO DOLLARS? WHAT’S THAT?….. AND YOU’D DO IT TO EVERY GUY IN THIS BAR FOR ANOTHER TEN DOLLARS?!?!”


Redneck Humor: The Elevator

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Elevator Magic

 A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.The boy asked, “What’s this, Paw?”

The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life . I don’t know what it is!”

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment,an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, “Go get your maw!”

Hummingbird Feeder

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Photography Prints